RAIL HOLLIDA 




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GoB!rightfl?._i 



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"HIT-THE-TRAIL HOLLIDAY" 

A COMEDY IN FOUR ACTS 
BY 

GEORGE M. COHAN 

ti 

(Based upon the Plot suggested by George Middleton 
and Guy Bolton) 



Duly copyrighted in 1916, 

in the United States of America, Dominion of Canada, 

Great Britain, Australia, New Zealand and South Africa, 

and by International Copyright by 

George M. Cohan, Author 




COHAN & HARRIS 

PROPRIETORS 









~t> 



APR 23 i9!6 



©OLD 43805 



CHARACTERS IN THE PLAY 

BILLY HOLLIDAY, of New York. 

THE Rev. T. B. HOLDEN, pastor of the Johnsburg Church. 

REX GRANGER, the richest man in Johnsburg. 

DEAN GRANGER, his son. 

BURR JAYSON, proprietor of the American House. 

CHIEF CRANDALL, head of the police department. 

JED CUSICK, the local expressman. 

SAM STALLINGS, the head barber. 

JOE CURTIS, his assistant. 

PETE, the boy around the place. 

GEORGE B. HENDRICKS, the moving picture man. 

SMITH, a workman at the brewery. 

JONES, another workman. 

EDITH HOLDEN, the minister's daughter. 

MRS. TEMPLE, a Johnsburg widow. 

ANNA, a colored maid. 



SYNOPSIS OF SCENES 

ACT I. — The barber shop in the American House. 

ACT II. — Living room in the home of the Rev. T. B. Holden. 

Time — The next day. 
ACT III. — J ay son'' s private office in the American House. 

Time — The following day. 
ACT IV. — Same as Act II. 
Two weeks later. 
LOCALE — Johnsburg, somewhere in New England. 
TIME— The present. 



HIT-THE-TRAIL HOLUDAY 



Hit-the-Trail Holliday 

ACT I. 

SCENE: The AMERICAN HOUSE barber shop in Johnsburg; a 
small town shop with three chairs and the usual bits of furniture, 
including a round Center table on which are copies of the ''Police 
Gazette" etc. The shop is supposed to be in the basement of the 
American House, with a stairway running up Left to the hotel 
office. 

At rise of Curtain, Joe Curtis and Jed Cusick are discovered 
at Center table playing a game of checkers. Sam StallinGS is 
over Right shaving Chief Crandall. 

Pete, the hat boy, is sweeping the floor. 

PETE 

( Whistles " Tipperary " while sweeping. As he gets near the 
checker players he starts singing the words of the song.) 

JED 
{Looks tip from game. ) 

Say, shut up that singing, will you please, Pete? A man can't 
play checkers and listen to singing at the same time. 

FETE 
( Stops singing and sweeping . ) 
Well, I ain't askin' you to listen, am I? 

JED 
No, but I'm askin' you to shut up. 

JOE 
Don't lose your temper, Jed. 

JED 
Well, I'd rather lose my temper than lose the game. 



HIT-THE-TRAIL HOUJDAY 3 

SAM 

{Finishes the Chief's shave and turns him around in chair \ fac- 
ing the audience. ) 

Want some bay rum on your hair, Chief? 

CHIEF 
No, sir! Cologne belongs on women; that's my idea of it. Just 
plain water and plenty of vaseline. 

SAM 
All right, Chief. 
{Gets vaseline and rubs it on Chief's hair.) 

CHIEF 
How are you coming out, Joe? 

JOE 
Rotten! He's got four kings to my two. 

JED 
You won't have them in a minute. There goes one of 'em right 
now. 

{Jumps and takes Joe's king.) 

JOE 

( Turns R. toward Chief.) 

You see? If you hadn't started to talk to me I wouldn't have 
moved into that jump. 

CHIEF 
I'm sorry, Joe. 

SAM 
Jed'll beat him — he always does. 

JOE 
How do you know he'll beat me? 

SAM 
'Cause he's the best checker player in town. 

JED 
Thank you, Sam. 

JOE 
That's right, give him a swelled head. 



4 HIT-THE-TRAIL HOLUDAY 

JED 
Come on, come on, move! It's your move. 

JOE 

Well, keep your shirt on, will you? A man can't think and 
argue at the same time. 
(Pete whistles.) 
Shut up whistling, will you! 

PETE 

{Stops whistling.) 
Oh, all right! 

JED 

Yes, and if you must whistle, for God's sake, learn a new tune. 

JOE 
That's what I say. Tipperary must be ten thousand miles from 
here, the way they keep harping on it. 

CHIEF 

(Laughs. ) 

That's a pretty good one. Did you hear that, Sam? 

SAM 
Yes, he gets them off right along. 
{Combs the Chief's hair.) 

JED 

(Jumps Joe's last king.) 

There you go. You owe me a quarter. 

(Rises.) 

JOE 
Well, don't brag about it. 
(Rises.) 
I'll pay you Saturday night. 

JED 

Well, I'll take fifteen cents' worth of it right now. Give me a 
shave, and then you'll only owe me a dime. 

(Turns upstage L. and takes off his coat. PETE takes his coat 
and hangs it up C, then comes down to table and puts checker -board in 
drawer of table. Joe starts upstage L.) 



HIT-THE-TRAII, HOLUDAY 5 

CHIEF 
Did you beat him, Jed? 

JED 
Yep. 

{Goes to barber chair L. and sits.} 

JOE 
Sure, he beat me. With the aid of a lot of conversation and this 
musical sweeper we have here, how could he help but beat me? 

SAM 
Don't lose your temper, Joe. 
(Chief rises and pays Sam.) 

JOE 
Oh, rats! 

{Comes to below Jed's chair.) 
Say, you haven't paid for a shave in six months, have you? 

JED 
Not since you learned how to play checkers. 

CHIEF 
Come on, Pete, give us a shine. 
( Gets up on bootblack stand R. ) 

PETE 
( To Joe;, as he comes downstage and over to Chief. ) 
Anybody would think you owned the shop, to hear your talk. 
{Starts blacking the Chief's shoes.) 

JOE 
Well, if I did own the shop, I wouldn't have you around whist- 
ling in everybody's ear. And anyway, I wouldn't own the darn old 
shop anyway. It's losing anywhere from fifteen to twenty dollars a 
week. The boss told me so himself. 

CHIEF 
Is that right, Sam? 

SAM 
{Folding up linen, etc.) 

Yes, I guess the whole hotel's been losin' a lot of money right 
along. The old man seems pretty much discouraged. 



6 HIT*- THE- TRAIL HOELIDAY 

CHIEF 
That's too bad. He's a mighty nice old feller. Darned if I 
ain't sorry for him. 

SAM 
So am I. He's a temperance crank and all that sort of thing, but 
just the same he's as square as they make 'em, and that's why I hate 
to leave. 

CHIEF 

Are you leaving? 

SAM 
Sure ! Going over to the new hotel when it opens week after next. 

CHIEF 
You don't mean it! 

SAM 
Well, you can't blame me, can you? Five dollars more a week 
and an up-to-date shop. Joe's going too. 

JOE 

You bet I am ! 

{Starts lathering J ED.) 

PETE 
I'm going too, Chief. Ain't I, Sam? 

SAM 
That's right. 

CHIEF 
You don't say! 

SAM 
Yes, and Beasley, the head clerk, and Barnes, the bus driver. I 
guess young Granger hired everybody he could from here, didn't he, 
Joe? 

JOE 
Sure he did. 
( Goes slightly C. ) 

Pretty near the whole force except the table girls. They're go- 
ing to have men waiters over there, I understand — Frenchmen from 
New York. It's a regular big city hotel — got a bowling alley and 
everything. Have you been through it, Chief? 



HlT-THE-TRAIL. HOLIDAY 7 

CHIEF 

No, I've been too busy. I ain't been near the place. 

JOE 
Well, believe me, it's a regular ripper! Sixty rooms — and a 
bath in most of em; two dining-rooms and a billiard room. And as 
for the barber shop! Well, wait till it opens. It'll knock your eye 
out, won't it, Sam? 
{Back to Jed.) 

SAM 
It sure will. And they're going to have the finest bar-room I 
ever seen — big chandeliers all over the place. 

JOE 
( Over to C. ) 

Yes, and they're going to have an automobile bus to take the 
borders to the depot, and 

JED 
{Sits up, with lather on his face) . 

Say, are you going to let this stuff dry on my face, or are you go- 
ing to shave me? 

(Sam and Chief laugh.) 

JOE 
{Crosses to below Jed,) 

Well, what are you kicking about? You're getting it for nothing, 
ain't you. 

JED 
No, I ain't. I beat you, and had three kings to spare. 

JOE 
{Goes to above Jed's chair.) 
I suppose you'll go all over town blowin' about it. 

JED 
Well, I don't intend sittin' here all day like a blame fool with this 
stuff on my face. 

(Sam sits R. of C. table.) 

JOE 
Well, stop talking and I'll shave you. 



8 HIT-THE-TRAIL HOUJDAY 

JED 

Well, shave me and stop talking. 

PETE 

{Finishing the Chief's shine.) 
How's that, Chief? 

CHIEF 
[Rises.) 

Just right. All I wanted was the dirt off of 'em. 
(Pete^/s whisk and brushes the Chief's clothes.) 
Glossy shoes belongs on dudes, that's my idea of it. 
(Hands Pete some change.) 
Here you are. There's seven cents — two for yourself. 

PETE 
Thanks, Chief. 

[Straightens things on bootblack stand, then sits on stand reading 
Paper. ) 

CHIEF 
(To Sam as he goes upstage R. to get his hat. ) 
What's old man Jayson going to do when the new hotel opens? 

SAM 
What do you mean? 

CHIEF 

(As he comes downstage R. ) 

Well, is he going to go along here, or close up shop? 

SAM 
I don't think he knows himself what he's going to do, Chief. 
He certainly won't stand much chance against the Johnsburg House, 
with all the modern improvements. 

JOE 
(Goes to C.) 

No; if he's got any sense he'll close up and quit, and that's about 
what he'll do. 

JED 
(Impatiently .) 
Come on, shave me, shave me! 



HlT-THE-TRAlL HOLIDAY 

JOE 

{Back to Jed.) 

All right, all right ; you needn't cry about it. 



{As he starts up R. ) 
Well, see you sooner. 



All right, Chief. 

( Turns L . ) 
Good-bye, boys. 

So long. 
Good-bye, Chief. 



CHIEF 

SAM 
CHIEF 

JOE 
JED 



CHIEF 
{Starts to exit R. and meets Mrs. Temple entering.) 
Oh, hello, Mrs. Temple. 
(Sam rises.) 

MRS. TEMPLE 
How do you do, Chief. 
(7o Sam.) 
May I come in for a moment, Mr. Stallingsi' 

SAM 
( Goes to below C. table. ) 
Sure, come right ahead. 

MRS. TEMPLE 
{Comes dow7i R. below C. table.) 

I didn't know whether it was altogether proper for a lady to enter 
a barber shop, but I thought I'd chance it, anyway. 

CHIEF 
{As he comes down R.) 

That's all right, Mrs. Temple; I've seen lots of ladies in barber 
shops. 



10 HIT-THE-TRAIL houjday 

SAM 

Sure! Some of 'em come in and wait for their husbands while 
they get their hair cut. 

JOE 
Yes, and some of 'em tell us how they want it cut, too. 

MRS. TEMPLE 

( To Sam. ) 

Well, I just wanted to ask if you'd object to my leaving a few of 
these handbills here. It's just a little advertisement for the temper- 
ance meeting to-night at Johnsburg Hall. 

SAM - - 

Sure, leave as many as you like. Here, give 'em to me. 
{She hands him a stack of the bills.) 

I'll put 'em right here on the table where they can see 'em and 
pick 'em up. 

{Goes above table and places them on same.) 

MRS. TEMPLE 

Thank you; that's very kind. It might be the means of en- 
couraging a few to attend. 

( Turns R. to Chief and hands him a bill. ) 

Have one, Chief? 

(Chief takes the bill.) 

Just a little bill I got up myself. We're doing everything pos- 
sible to create interest — we do so want a big crowd. 

CHIEF 

{Reads bill.) 

" The day of note will surely come ; 

When women vote, good-bye to rum." 
(Jed falls back in his chair, groaning.) 

MRS. TEMPEE 
Rather good. Don't you think so? 

JOE 

(Turns upstage L.) 
Oh, that's, awful! 



HIT-THE-TRAIL HOLLIDAY 11 

MRS. TEMPLE 

{Turns to Joe.) 

Awful ! 

( Crosses to L.) 

JOE 

( Turns to her. ) 

Awful good, I mean. I'd like to have a few of them to pass out 
to my friends, if you don't mind. 

MRS. TEMPLE 

Why, surely, Mr. Curtis. Here, take a number of them. 
{Hands him several of the bills, then comes down to R. of Jed, 
who is in chair . ) 

Will you have one, sir? 



JED 



Yes; thanks, Mrs. Temple. 
( Takes the bill. ) 



MRS. TEMPLE 

Why, Mr. Cusick, I didn't recognize you with that cold cream 
on your face. 

(Sam and Chief laugh.) 

JED 
That isn't cold cream, Mrs. Temple. 

JOE 

No, that's Scott's Emulsion. 
{All laugh.) 

MRS. TEMPLE 
{Laughs) 

Why, the idea of such a thing! 
{To Jed.) 

My brother Charlie tells me you won a hat from him playiug 
checkers the other day. 

JED 
That's right; I beat bim out of a hat. 



12 HIT- THE -TRAIL HOLLIDAY 

MRS. TEMPLE 

(As she s farts up L.) 
He tells me you play a splendid game. 
( Turns to Sam J 

Would it be all right if I go to the hotel office this way? I want 
Edith Holden to do some typewriting for me. 

SAM 
Sure, go right ahead, Mrs. Temple. 

MRS. TEMPLE 

Thank you so much. You will see that the customers' attention 
is called to the bills, won't you? 

SAM 
I'll see to it myself. 

MRS. TEMPLE 
Thanks awfully. Good -day, gentlemen. 



ALL 



Good -day. 



MRS. TEMPLE 

{Starts up L. stairs, passing Hol,ljday as he enters and comes 
down into shop. She turns back to him.) 

I beg your pardon, sir; but at your leisure glance at this, and if 
you're in town this evening, by all means attend. It will mean an 
interesting hour of entertainment, and sound, common sense will be 
brought forward in favor of temperance and women's rights; 7:30, at 
Johnsburg Hall. Several eloquent speakers. I'm sure you'll enjoy 
it if you come. 

(Hands Holliday one of the bills. PETE goes upstage C. and sits 
L. of R. door.) 

HOLLIDAY 

Thank you very much. 

MRS. TEMPLE 
The pleasure is mine, I assure you. 
{Exits up L. stairs.) 
(Hoi,eiday comes downstage to L. of C. table, reading the bill.) 



(Calls.) 
Pete! 



HIT- THE -TRAIL HOLIDAY 13 

SAM 

PETE 



Yes, sir. 

(Runs down to Hoixiday, as Sam motions to the latter.) 

I'll take your hat and coat, sir. 

HOIXIDAY 

(Removes his hat and coat and loosens his collar and scarf, and then 
sits L. of table reading the bill. 

(PETE takes the hat and coat ttpstage C. and hangs the tn on hat- 
rack.) 

CHIEF 
(Laughs.) 
Is your wife a Suffragette, Sam? 

SAM 
I don't know; I never asked her. 

CHIEF 
(As he goes up R.) 
How'd you like to have your wife passin' out bills, Jed? 

JED 

I wish to God she'd pass them out to someone besides me. 

CHIEF 

(Laughs.) 

What are you goin' to do with all them bills, Joe? 

JOE 
Use 'em for soap wipers ; they're just the right size. 
( The Chief laughs. ) 

HOLLIDAY 
(As he reads bill.) 
Temperance! Well, well! 

CHIEF 

(Aside to Sam, as he indicates Holuday.) 
Nobby shirt that fellow's got on. 



14 HIT-THE-TRAIL HOLLIDAY 

SAM 
{Looking over, at Holliday.) 
Yeh, pretty good one. 

CHIEF 
(Still looking at Holliday.) 
Who is he, do you know? 

SAM 

[Aside.) 

I don't know — stranger. Traveling man, I guess. 

CHIEF 

[Aside. ) 
Quite a dandy. 

SAM 
(Aside.) 
He's a slicker, all right. 

CHIEF 
Well, see you sooner. 
(Exits up R.) 

SAM 

Sure! 

(Holliday whistles " Tipperary .' ') 

(Joe and Jed look over at him, disgusted.) 

(After a pause. ) 

Next! 

HOIXIDAY 
(Looks over at Sam.) 

Oh, I beg your pardon ; were you waiting for me? 
(Goes over to R. of barber shop and sits.) 

SAM 
Yes, sir. 

(After Holliday is in chair.) 
Shave or hair-cut? 

HOLIDAY 

Shave, please. 



HlT-THE-TRAlt HOLIJDAY 15 



SAM 

(As he puis linen on Holiday.) 
Pleasant day, isn't it? 

HOUJDAY 
Is it? 

SAM 

Once over? 

HOELJDAY 

Yes, get it over at once. 

SAM 
Something to read? 
( Usual barber shop business. ) 



All right. 

(Calls.) 
Pete ! 

Yes, sir! 

" Police Gazette." 



HOIXIDAY 
SAM 

PETE 

SAM 



PETE 
Yes, sir. 

(Takes ''Police Gazette" from C. table, hands it to Holuday, 
then goes upstage C. and sits.) 

JOE 
(To Jed.) 
So — you get your hats for nothing too, do you? 

JED 
--Well, it ain't costin' you nothing, is it? 

JOE 

Say, do you want a nice, hot towel? 

JED 
Oh, you want to get even with me by burning my face, do you? 
No, sir; cold water — and I'll part my own hair as soon as you wet it. 



16 HIT-THE-TRAIL HOLLIDAY 

JOE 
You know, if checkers was crooked, I'd suspect you. 

JED 
Oh, you're jealous of my game. 

JOE 

Who wouldn't be — getting everything for nothing. 

HOLLIDAY 

{Reading sign on R. wall. ) 

" Nearly Beer, cool and refreshing." 

(To Sam.) 

What's that? 

SAM 

{Looks up at sign.) 

That? Oh, that's a temperance drink the boss got np. 

HOLLIDAY 
Oh, I see! 

{After a slight pause.} 
Where is this new hotel that's going up here. 

SAM 
The Johnsburg? 

HOLLIDAY 
Yes. 

SAM 
Two blocks down Main Street on the opposite side. 

HOLLIDAY 
Quite a place, I understand. 

SAM 
Nothin' to beat it 'tween here and New York. Jt opens a week 
from next Saturday. 

( After a slight pause. ) 

Is the town strange to you? 

HOLLIDAY 
Very strange. 



HIT-THE-TRAIL. HOIXIDAY 17 

SAM 
Here on business, I suppose. 

HOLLIDAY 
I suppose so. 

SAM 
[Laughs. ) 
That's a pretty good one!* 

JOE 
You got 3'our answer that time, Sam. 

SAM 
That's right. 
{To Hollidav.) 

Alljokin' aside, how do you find business? 
{Strops razor. ) 

HOIXIDAY 
Go out and look for it. 

SAM 
{Laughs.) 
Did you hear that one, Joe? 

JOE 

( Goes slightly C. ) 

Oh, that's an old one. Lew Dockstader sprung that one at the 
Opera House two 3*ears ago. 

JED 
That's right. I was there that night — I had a ticket. 

JOE 
{Back to Jed.) 
I'll bet you won it. 

JED 
Go on, wet my hair. 
(JOE wets Jed's hair, then raises chair. Jed rises.) 

SAM 

{To HOLLIDAV.) 

Do you want your nails manicured? 



18 HIT-THE-TRAIL HOLLIDAY 

HOLLIDAY 
Yes ; have you got a manicure girl here in the shop? 

SAM 
Yes, sir ! 
{Calls. ) 
Pete! 

PETE 
{Comes down R.) 
Here you are ! 

SAM 
Go up and tell Edith there's a customer here. 

PETE 
Yes, sir. 
{Runs up L. stairs.) 

SAM 

{To HOLLTDAY.) 

Our manicure girl is the minister's daughter. 

HOLLIDAY 
The minister's daughter? Well, well ! 

SAM 
Yes; she's the typewriter too. 

HOLLIDAY 
You don't say ! 

SAM 
Yes. She's upstairs most of the time. There's only two or three 
of the local boys that's very fussy about their finger-nails. 

HOLLIDAY 
So I've noticed. 

JED 
{Aside to JOE while combing his own hair.) 
Say, who is that feller over there? 
{Indicating Holuday.) 

JOE 
I don't know. 



HIT-THE-TRAIL HOLUDAY 19 

JED 

A salesman of some kind, 1 bet. 

JOE 
Yes; probably sells cliecker-boaids. 

JED 

Well, if he does, you better buy one from him and practice. 

JOE 
Say, are you going to tip me the ten cents I owe you? 

JED 
No, sir! I can't afford to go 'round tippin' people. It's all I 
can do to pay my own expenses. 

JOE 

( Turns to Sam. ) 

Charge me up with a shave, Sam. 

SAM 
All right. 

JED 
Come on, pay me that dime you owe me. 
(Joe pays him the dime.) 

( Jed goes upstage C, gets his coat and puts it on.) 
{Brewery whistle heard offstage.) 

SAM 
There goes the brewery whistle. 
{Turns Holiday around in chair, facing front.) 

HOLLIDAY 
What's that, twelve o'clock? 

SAM 
That's what it is. 
{Dinner gong rings up- stairs.) 
(Jed starts toivard L. stairs.) 

JOE 
{To Jed.) 

I suppose you're going up -stairs to play old man Jayson a game 
for your dinner, 



20 HIT-THE-TRAIL HOLXIDAY 

JKD 
That's just what I'm going to do. I'll challenge him, anyway. 

PETE 
{Comes down L. stairs and goes toward Sam.) 
Edith will be down in a minute. 

SAM 
All right, Pete. 

JED 
Well, over the river, Sam. 
{Starts for L. stairs.) 
(Joe is down L. taking off his barber coat.) 

SAM 
Good-bye. 

JED 
Going to eat, Joe? 

JOE 
{Combing his hair in front of L. mirror. ) 
Yes; but I ain't goin' to eat alongside of you. 

JED 
(Laughs .) 
What are you jealous of, my appetite or my luck? 

JOE 
Neither; but I ain't goin' to listen to you braggin' about yourself . 
I'll tell you that right now. 

{Follows Jed up L. stairs.) 

SAM 
Don't be all day, Joe; I'm kinda hungry myself. 

JOE 

What do you think I'm goin' to do, die of dyspepsia? 
{Exits L. stairs, following - Jed.) 

PETE 
{Has come down to in front of Holt.iday.) 
Want your shoes brushed off? 



HIT-THE-TRAIE HOLXIDAY 21 

HOELIDAY 
What's the matter, can't you brush them on? 

PETE 
That's what I mean. 

HOUJDAY 

Then why didn't you say so? 

SAM 
{Laughs. ) 

Gee! that's a good one! 
( To Hoixiday. ) 
New one, ain't it? 

PETE 
Sure, it's a new one. I'm goin' to spring it on Joe after dinner? 
( To Hoixiday. ) 
Did you get that joke up yourself, Mister? 

HOLJJDAY 

Yes ; that is, not all alone. Two other fellows and myself figured 
it out. 

PETE 
They must have been the two fellows that sprung it here last 
week, eh, Sam? 

SAM 
{Frowns at Pete.) 
Shut up ! 

HOUJDAY 

Say, am I being strung here? 

PETE 
Most of the drummers tell good jokes about the Ford cars. Do 
you know any of them? I haven't heard one to-day. 

HOUJDAY 

{To Sam.) 

Say, where is this boy from? 

SAM 
Who, Pefe? He belongs here in town. 



22 HIT-THE-TRAIL holiday 

HOUJDAY 

No, he doesn't. He may live here, but he doesn't belong here. 

PETE 
Oh, don't mind me, Mister; I'm just a little silly in the head, 
that's all. 

HOUJDAY 
So I perceive. 

EDITH 
(Comes down L. stairs and goes downstage to above manicure table.} 

SAM 
{As he sees Edith.) 
Here you are, Edith, right over here. 

EDITH 

I'm sorry to keep 3 ; ou waiting. I had to do some typing for. Mrs. 
Temple. She's going to speak to-night at Johnsburg Hall. 
[Prepares manicure things on table. ) 

SAM 
Yes, she was in here and left some bills. 
( To Holliday.) 
Do you want to be manicured here or over at the table? 

HOUJDAY 

( Ttirns and looks at Edith. ) 
Over at the table. 

SAM 
All right; I'm through, anyway. 

(Edith goes upstage with bowl and fills it with water.) 
He'll go over there, Edith. 
( Takes li?ien from Holliday and brushes his hair.) 

EDITH 
Very well. 

DEAN 
(Enters from R.) 
Hello, Sam! 
(Comes slightly down R., 



HIT-THE-TRAIL HOLLIDAY 23 

SAM 
Hello, Dean ! 

DEAN 

Has my father been in here? 

SAM 
I haven't seen him. 

DEAN 

He promised to meet me here at twelve o'clock. 
(Holliday rises, puts on his collar and scarf in front of R. mir- 
ror.) 

SAM 
Maybe he's up in the office. Want Pete to run up and see? 

DEAN 
Yes, go on, Pete. 

(Pete; starts L., passing below C. table. ) 
{If he's up there, tell him I'm down here getting my nails polished.) 

PETE 
Yes, sir. 
{Runs up L. stairs.) 

DEAN 

(Starts L.) 
Hello, Edith. 

EDITH 

( Comes downstage to above manicure table. ) 
Good -morning. 

DEAN 

{Sits L. of manicure table.) 

Come on, get busy; I haven't got much time. You needn't trim 
them short, and I don't want much of a polish, either. I'm in a 
hurry. 

EDITH 
You'll have to wait, I'm afraid. 

DEAN 

What for? 



24 HIT-THE-TRAIL HOUJDAY 

EDITH 

{As she looks over at Holliday.) 
There's someone ahead of you. 

SAM 
This gentleman spoke first, Dean. 

DEAN 
{Rises, bangs chair against the table and goes to above C. table.) 
Well, it's a darn strange thing! It seems I have to wait every 
time I come into this shop. Thank God, the new hotel opens in a 
few days, and then there'll be no more of this funny business. 

HOELJDAY 
{Has been standing R. arranging his scarf and collar. ) 
{He gives Dran an occasional gla?ice during this tirade.) 
{To Sam, as he hands him a bill.) 
Keep it all. 



{Starts L.) 

Oh, thank you, sir. 

( To Edith.) 
How do you do? 



SAM 
HOttlDAY 



EDITH 
{Bows, and motions him to sit L. of table.) 
This side, please. 

HOEUDAY 
( Goes to L. of table. ) 
Thank you. 

( To Edith, who comes down to R. of table.) 
The barber tells me you're the minister's daughter. 

EDITH 
( To Holliday, after looking over at Sam with a little smile. ) 
Well, don't hold it against me — I'm quite human. 
{Sits R. of table; Holliday L. of it.) 

DEAN.. . 

( To Holliday, as he goes above manicure table. ) 
Say, would you mind waiting ten or fifteen minutes? I'm 
hurry. 



HIT-THE-TRAIIv HOLIDAY 25 

HOLIDAY 

{.Looks up at Dean, smiles at his impertinence, then to Edith.) 
Do they let it run around town loose this way ? 

DEAN 
What do you mean by that? 

EDITH 
{7o Dean.) 
This gentleman is in a hurry himself. 

DEAN 

(Starts dowiistage C, then turns to Edith.) 

I wasn't talking to you. I asked him a civil question. If he was 
a gentleman he'd answer yes or no. 
( Goes to below C. table. ) 

HOLUDAY 

(To Edith.) 

He'll get so mean in a minute I'm afraid I'll have to kill him. 

DEAN 
( To Hoixiday, as he goes to above manicure table.) 
Say, who do you think you're talking to? 

HOLLIDAY 

(To Edith, ignoring Dean.) 

Do you believe in capital punishment? 

DEAN 

(Glares at Hoeeiday, then goes R. to Sam, passing below table.) 

Say, who is this fellow, Sam? 

(Sam drops down R. as Dean starts R.) 

SAM 
Take it easy, Dean ; don't get excited. 

DEAN 

Well, I've got a right to get excited, haven't I? 

(Sam goes upstage R. ) 

I've been insulted, haven't I? 

( Turns L.) 



26 HlT-THE-TRAII, HOLIDAY 

PETE 
( To Dean, as he comes down L. stairs. ) 
Your father ain't up there. 
{Goes upstage C. to L. of door. ) 

DEAN 
{As he goes upstage L . ) 

Oh, I don't care a damn whether he is or not. 
{Glares at HoLiviDAY.) 

Gee! if there's anything that makes me sick it's a smart Aleck 
that thinks he knows more than anybody else. 

(As he passes below C. table, grabbing a paper from it. ) 

Come on, Pete, give us a shine. 

{Goes R., sits on bootblack stand and reads paper.) 

PETE 

Yes, sir. 

{Comes down R. and starts blacking Dean's shoes.) 

HODLIDAY 
( To Edith. ) 
Who is the dashing young madman? 

EDITH 
{Aside. ) 
Oh, that's Dean Granger. His father's the richest man in town 

HOLXIDAY 
Granger! You don't mean the people who are putting up the 
new hotel? 

EDITH 
Yes. They own the brewery, too— practically control the town. 

HOLLIDAY 

Ity golly, that's funny! 

{Laughs.) 

(Dean lowers his paper and looks over at Holiday.) 

EDITH 
What? 

HOLXIDAY 

{As he sees Dean watching him.) 
Nothing. I'll tell you later on. 



HIT -THE -TRAIL. HOLXIDAY 27 

MAN 
{Enters from R. , whistling ' ' Tipperary . ' ' ) 
Hello, Sam! 

SAM 
Hello ! 

MAN 
Say, change a dime for me, will you? 

SAM 

Sure. 

{Takes dime from Man and goes to cash register.) 

Will two nickels be all right? 

MAN 
No, give me one nickel and the other in small change, will you? 

SAM 
Sure. 
{Makes change and hands it to Man.) 

MAN 
Thanks. 
{Exits R. stairs, whistling "Tipperary.") 

SAM 
( To Dean, as he comes down R. ) 
Do you think you'll get the new hotel open on time, Dean? 

DEAN 
We'll open a week from Saturday. The decorations won't all be 
finished, but we'll open all right. It'll certainly be a godsend to 
this town. This is an awful shack, this thing. I get the blues 
every time I come in here. 

SAM 

{As he sits R. of C. table. ) 

I see by the Chronicle that you're going to have a chef from the 
Waldorf in New York. 

DEAN . 
Yes, and a head waiter from the Ritz Carlton, and a head bar- 
tender from the Knickerbocker, and two manicures from the Astor, 
and a stenographer from the Touraine in Boston. I expect them all 



28 HIT -THE- TRAIL HOLXIDAY 

in to-morrow. We're bringing them on a week ahead of time so they'll 
know the house when it opens. 

SAM 
Gad, it's going to be some hotel, all right. 

DEAN 
{Looking meani?igly over at Holliday.) 

Yes; and we're going to be pretty darned careful who our guests 
are too. 

HOLXIDAY 

{To Edith.) 

He's looking right square at me. 

POSTMAN 

{Comes down L. s-tairs zvhistling " Tipperary.") 

Here's your mail, Sam. 

{Dumps mail on C. table and starts up R. ) 

SAM 
Thanks. 

(Postman exits tip R. whistling "Tipperary.") 
(Sam sorts letters; takes one to L. barber shelf and another to cash 
register shelf, then sits R. of C. table.) 

DEAN 
{To Sam.) 
Did you tell old man Jayson you were coming over with us? 

SAM 
Yes. 

DEAN 

What'd he say? 

SAM 
Oh, he said he didn't blame any of us for bettering ourselves. Of 
course he feels bad to see us all going, I guess. 

DEAN 

Well, it's his own fault. Father offered to take this property off 
his hands and give him the lease of the new place providing he'd put 
in a bar. But, no sir! The darned old fool stuck to his Prohibition 
principles, as he calls them, and robbed himself of a chance to have a 



HIT- THE -TRAIL HOLLIDAY 29 

real hotel and make some money. Then father got sore and put the 
new hotel up, anyway. The way we're going to run it we'll prob- 
ably lose money the first few years, but we figure it'll be a good ad. 
for the brewery, and it'll help put the town on the map. We're going 
to have the best bar in tbe State and the finest stock of wines in the 
country. We're paying our head bartender a hundred dollars a week. 

(Sam and Pete whistle.) 

The manager of the Knickerbocker says he's the best man at 
mixed drinks he's ever seen. 

SAM 
A hundred dollars a week for tending bar ! 

• DEAN 

Yes, sir! 

(Sam shakes his head doubtingly , rises and goes up R.) 

EDITH 

{To HOUJDAY.) 

Do you believe that? 

HOLLIDAY 
Yes, I know it. 

EDITH 
How? 

(HoixiDAY leans over and whispers to her. As she points to him he 
nods affirmatively . ) 
No! 

HOLLIDAY 
It's a fact. 

(Both laugh and look over at Dean.) 

PETE 
( To Dean. ) 
There you are. 

DEAN 

{Rises, and goes to R. of Edith.) 
Say, are you laughing at me? 

EDITH 
{Looks up at him.) 
No, really! 



30 HlT-THE-TRAIIv HOUJDAY 

DEAN 
"Well, you'll laugh out of the other side of your face when you 
find yourself without a job 

{Goes R. and pays Pete.) 

(Pete straightens bootblack stand, then exits up R.) 
This place'll be closed up two weeks after we open the Johnsburg 
House. You can't say I didn't offer you the chance, anyway. 
(Paces up and down R. ) 

EDITH 
I told you I was very thankful for the offer, but that I'd prefer 
to stay here as long as Mr. Jayson would keep me. 

DEAN 

Oh, piffle! that's not the reason at all. 

{Crosses to R. of Edith. ) 

Why don't you tell the truth? Your father wouldn't let you take 
the job because he knew we were going to sell liquor — that's the 
reason. 

(Jayson enters on L. stairs.) 

Well, you can tell your father for me that if it wasn't for the brew- 
ery half his congregation wouldn't have any nickels and dimes to toss 
in the plate and help support his church. 

(Jayson works slowly above table C. to R. of it.) 

HOLLIDAY 
(Rises.) 
Now that's just about enough out of you, young fellow. 

DEAN 
What have you got to say about it? Who are you? 

EDITH 

( To Holuday, as he starts toward Dean.) 

Please don't mind him. We don't pay any attention to anything 
he says. We're all used to him. 
(Looks over at Sam.) 



Aren't we, Sam. 
Why 



SAM 
DEAN 



(7o Edith.) 

What do you mean by that? 



HIT-THE-TRAIE HOLLJDAY 31 

EDITH 
Now please let's drop the matter. I don't care to discuss it any- 
further. 

(Sits on R. of table; Holiday L. of it.) 

DEAN 

( To Edith. ) 

Say, who do you think you're talking to? 

JAYSON 

(R. of C. table.) 

What's the matter, Dean? 

DEAN 

There's nothing the matter with me, but there's something the 
matter with that fellow over there. 

(Goes to above manicure table glaring at Holuday.) 

(Sam drops downstage R.) 

(Jayson starts toward Edith.) 

If he thinks he can bluff me he's mistaken ; I'll tell him that right 
now. 

(Goes to above C. table, then down R. of it.) 

SAM 
Don't get excited, Dean. 

DEAN 
You mind your own business; I know what I'm doing. 
(Paces angrily up and down R.) 

JAYSON 

(R. of Edith.) 

What's the trouble, Edith? 

EDITH 
It's all right, Mr. Jayson, It's nothing, really. 
(Jayson turns upstage L. ) 

JOE 

(Comes down L. stairs and starts R.) 

Go to it, Sam, I'm finished. Cranberry pie. 

SAM 
It's about time. 
(Crosses upstage and exits L. stairs. ) 



32 HIT-THE-TRAIL HOLXIDAY 

JOE 
Hello, Dean. 

DEAN 
Oh, hello! 

( Goes to above manicure table. ) 

Gosh, if there's anything I hate it's a fresh guy that butts into 
other people's business. 

(Crosses above C. table, then down R.; Jayson following.) 

JOE 

Oh, excuse me; I didn't mean to butt in. 

DEAN 
I'm not talking to you, you damn fool ! 
(Sits R. of C. table.) 
(Joe turns upstage R. ) 
(Jayson comes down to R. of Dean.) 

EDITH 

( To Hoixiday. ) 

He acts like that all the time. 

HOLLIDAY 
Pleasant little party, isn't he? 

DEAN 
(To Jayson.) 

Did my father send word that he was coming over here to see 
you? 

JAYSON 
Not that I know of. 

DEAN 
Well, he is. Said he'd be here at twelve o'clock. I've been 
waiting around here like a fool for him too. 

JAYSON 
What's he want to see me about? 

DEAN 
He'll tell you when he gets here. 



HIT-THE-TRAIL HOLXIDAY 33 

JAYSON 
( Turns R. ) 

Give me a cold towel, Joe. 
{Sits in R. barber chair. ) 

JOE 
Yes, sir. 
( Wets towel upstage L., comes down and puts it on Jayson's face.) 

HOLXIDAY 
(Looking over R. ) 
Who's the old gentleman? 

EDITH 
That's Mr. Jayson, the proprietor of the hotel. He's a fine man. 

DEAN 

(Reads from bill he has picked up from table. ) 
" The church is your friend, 
The saloon is your foe ; 
Avoid Demon Rum, 

And to prayer meeting go." 
{Rolls bill into a wad and fires it on the floor.) 
Well, if that wouldn't make anybody sick and tired, I don't know 
what would. 

( One cheer offstage, then fife and drum play ' ' 1 ipperary . ' ' ) 

JOE 
What's that, I wonder? 

DEAN 
Another reform celebration, I suppose. 

JAYSON 
Hurry up, Joe, I want to see what it is. 

JOE 
There you are, Boss, I'm all finished. 
( Takes cloth from Jayson's face-, Jayson rises.) 

PETE 
( Comes running in from R. ) 

Hey, there's a Prohibition parade going by the hotel, Mr. Jayson. 
( Crowd offstage starts spelling J-A-Y-S-O-N.) 
They're spelling your name and cheering you. 
(Exits R.) 



34 HIT-THE-TRAIL HOELIDAY 

JAYSON 
(As he starts up R.) 
Well, I guess I'd better go and wave to them, anyway. 

GRANGER 

{Enters from L. stairs as Jayson goes up R.) 

Hold on, Jayson. 

{Pause until music offstage dies down.) 

I want to talk to you. 

DEAN 

{Rises at sound of Granger's voice, and goes up R.) 

Hello, Governor, I've been waiting a quarter of an hour for you. 

GRANGER 

(As he goes to above C. table.) 
Well, I had something to do. 

JAYSON 

(Comes down to R. of Granger.) 
Hello, Rex. 

GRANGER 

(Savagely.) 

Never mind the hello business. I came over here to see you to 
find out why you misrepresented this affair at Johnsburg Hall to-night. 

JAYSON 
Misrepresented it? How do you mean? 

GRANGER 
When you made arrangements with me you didn't tell me any- 
thing about it being a temperance maeting ; that's what I mean. 

JAYSON 
Why, I thought you understood. 

GRANGER 

Well, I didn't understand, and I'm not going to have it. You can 
send word to Mrs. Temple and the rest of those lunatics that there ain't 
going to be any such affair held in any building that I control or have 
an interest in. 



HIT-THE-TRAIL HOLLIDAY 35 

JAYSON 

You'd better send word yourself, Rex. They asked me to make 
the arrangements and you agreed to it and took the check, and now if 
you want to back out you'll have to tell them yourself ; I ain't going to 
have anything more to do with it. 

GRANGER 

You know damn well you're at the head of this Prohibition move- 
ment — what are you talking about ! 

JAYSON 



Who says I am? 
I say you are. 
Certainly you are. 



GRANGER 

DEAN 
GRANGER 



{To Dean.) 
Keep quiet! 
(7o Jayson.) 

And I'll put another flea in your ear. I think you're an out and 
out hypocrite. 

(Joe sits on bootblack stand R.) 

JAYSON 
What do you mean, Rex? 

GRANGER 
I mean I believe you're just using that crowd to advertise that 
rotten temperance drink of yours. 
(7o Dean.) 
What's he call it? 

DEAN 
Nearly Beer. 

GRANGER 

{Sneeringly , as he drawls the word out.) 

Nearly Beer ! That's a hell of a name for a temperance drink ! 

HOLXIDAY 

Say, wait a minute, there's a lady here,, 
(Jayson turns R.) 



36 HIT-THE-TRAIL HOLUDAY 

GRANGER 

(As he comes down to L. of L. table.) 
Oh, excuse me, Miss Holden — slip of the tongue. 
(Jed enters from L.) 

(Gkanger sits L. of table, looks over at Holuday, then turns to 
Dean, who has gone to above C. table.) 
Who's that fellow? 
(Jayson comes to R. of table.) 

DEAN 

I don't know. He's been butting in on me too. 
{Looks over at Holliday.) 
Gee ! he gets on my nerves ! 
(Goes icpstage R. C.) 

GRANGER 
( Turns to Jayson after a slight pause. ) 

You can tell these reformers for me that I'll drive them out of 
town if they go too far with me — I'm getting desperate! 
(Smashes table with his fist.) 
(Jed runs up L. stairs and exits. ) 

JAYSON 
Now wait a minute, Rex. I ain't at the head of any Prohibition 
Organization, or even actively connected with it. I'm too old a man 
for that sort of thing; but when you say you don't believe I'm 
actnally in favor of the movement, you know you don't mean it. 
You've known me for forty years, and you know I've never tasted a 
drop of liquor in all that time. 

DEAN 
Oh, we don't want to hear the story of your life! 

GRANGER 
(To Dean.) 
Keep quiet! 
(Dean goes upstage C. 

JAYSON 

(To Granger, as he sits R. of table.) 

You know I've always been against it; voted against it, and never 
allowed any in my house or on my premises. YoU've made a fortune 
out of it and ycu're welcome to it. I'd rather be a poor man all my 
life than have anything to do with the stuff. 



HIT-THE-TRAII, HOLLIDAY 37 



GRANGER 
Do you mean that the money I've made I've- 
(Jed enters on L. stairs and stands listening.) 



JAYSON 

Now wait a minute, please, and let me finish what I've got to say. 
You've always frightened me so in the last fifteen or twenty years that 
I've never had the courage to talk to you this way before. I realize 
that the new hotel you're opening will ruin my chances of staying 
here, and that's why I never said a word about your stealing all my 
help away and doing everything you possibly could to disorganize me 
and put me out of business. But when you accuse me of using my 
friends to make a few dollars out of a measly little temperance 
drink 

(Jed comes down to foot of stairs. ) 

you hurt my feelings, because I've never been that kind of a man, 

I got up that drink and called it Nearly Beer because it was the near- 
est thing to beer that I kept. Now that you've gone so far as to in- 
sinuate that it's no good 

{Rises.) 
I'll give you a little information that will probably surprise you. 

(Dean comes down to above table.) 

I was offered twenty -five hundred dollars for the recipe of Nearly 
Beer less than two weeks ago by the Hueblein people, of Hartford, 
Conn. 



( Turns R. ) 

( Sneering ly.) 
Yes, you were. 

( Turns on DEAN.) 
Yes, I was! 



DEAN 



JAYSON 



GRANGER 

That hasn't got anything to do with it. 

(Rises and goes to L. of Javson; Dhan g-ocs R.) 

(Jed comes down to L. barber chair and sits. ) 

I came here to tell you that there ain't going to be any temperance 
cranks use Johnsburg Hall as a meeting place, and you'd better in- 
form that gang of fanatics that if they come there to-night they're 
going to get into trouble, and you tell them I said so. 



38 HIT -THE -TRAIL HOLXIDAY 

DEAN 

( Comes down to R. of Jayson. ) 

Yes, and tell them I said so too. 

(Pete enters from R. and sits upstage C.) 

JAYSON 
But it's too late to make other arrangements now. 

GRANGER 
What do you think I care about that? 

DEAN 
Yes, what do you think we care? 
{Goes upstage C. then over L.) 

HOLXIDAY 

{Aside to Edith.) 

I'll have to do something to him I'm afraid. 

JAYSON 

Well, it places me in a peculiar position. I don't see how I can 
explain to them at this hour. 

GRANGER 

That's not my affair. 

DEAN 
No ; we should worry about that, I suppose. 

HOLXIDAY 

{To Granger.) 

Why don't you let them use the hall? They won't hurt it any, 
will they? 

GRANGER 

{After a slight pause, as he stands looking at HoLLiDAY. ) 
Who are you? 

DEAN 
{Comes downstage L., looking at HoivLiDAY.) 

Yes, I'd like to find that out myself. Gee! but you get on my 
nerves. 



HIT-THE-TRAEL HOLLIDAY 39 

HOLLIDAY " . 

(To Edith, as he rises.) 

Pardon me just a moment. 

(Crosses to L. of Dean.) 

My name is Holliday — Billy Holliday. 

DEAN 

What! Not the bartender from the Knickerbocker! 

HOLLIDAY 

Yes. 

* DEAN 

(Turns to Granger. ) 

He's the hundred-dollar man that Regan sent us. 
( Turns to Holliday. ) 

I didn't expect you till to-morrow. How long have you been in 
town? 

HOLLIDAY 
I've been here just about an hour; just long enough to find out 
that I don't want to work for you. 

DEAN 
What do you mean by that? 
(Sam enters and stands on L. stairs.) 

HOLLIDAY 

Well, I'll tell yon. You're the most annoying, contemptible, 
despicable man I ever came in contact with, and if it wasn't for the fact 
that I don't want to make your father ashamed of himself, I'd give you 
a slap in the face. 

(Dean stares at Holliday a moment, then turns and smiles at 
Granger, then turns back to Holliday.) 

GRANGER 

Are you going to stand there and take that, Dean? 

DEAN 
( To Holliday, after a pause. ) 
Say, what are you doing, kidding? 

HOLLIDAY 
No; I wouldn't kid with a rat like you. 



40 HIT-THE-TRAIE HOIJJDAY 

GRANGER 

( To Dean, who stands looking at Holliday without replying. ) 
What are you standing there like a dummy for! 

DEAN 
Just let him keep on ; he'll go too far in a minute. 

HOLLIDAY 

(7o Dean.) 

Pardon me. 

(Crosses above Dean to R. of him; Dean taking cross with him, 
moving slightly L.) 

{To Granger.) 

Mr. Granger, you should be proud of that son of yours. He's 
more like his father than any boy I ever saw. 

DEAN 
What do you mean by that? 

HOLLIDAY 

(To Dean.) 

Your father heard what I said. 

(Turns to Granger.) 

You get me, don't you, Mr. Granger? 

( After a slight pause. ) 

Excuse me. 

( To Jayson, as he crosses above Granger to R. of him. ) 

Mr. Jayson, if I understood you rightly, you mentioned the fact a 
few moments ago that in the transaction whereby the hall in question 
was rented, your check for a certain amount of money was cheerfully 
accepted by 

( Turns toward Granger , snapping his fingers as if trying to recall 
his name. ) 
Mr. Granger. 

(7o Jayson.) 

Is that right? 

JAYSON 
Yes ; he took the check. 

GRANGER 

(Furiously. ) 

I'll send the check back in the morning. 



HIT- THE-TRAIL HOLLIDAY 41 

HOLLIDAY 

{To Granger.) 

Ah, but he doesn't want the check. He wants what the check 
calls for. 

{Turns to Jayson.) 

Isn't that the idea, Mr. Jayson? 

{To Granger, as Jayson nods.) 

You see? 

{To Jayson.) 

Now, by all that's fair in law and business, the hall is yours. 
Might I ask if it would be agreeable to you to turn the hall over to me 
for this evening? 

JAYSON 
Why, no; 1 hired the hall for Mrs. Temple. 

HOLLIDAY 

Well, turn it over to me, and I'll see that Mrs. Temple gets it; 
do you understand? 

(Jayson looks puzzled, btU makes no reply.) 
Good! Then it's all settled! 

JAYSON 

But I don't understand. 

HOLLIDAY 

Now it's all settled — that's all there is to it. 

( Turns to Granger ; Jayson turns slightly R. ) 

Now, Mr. Granger, if you're still looking for trouble, I'll hand it 
out to you in large or small packages. The hall has been turned 
over to me, so if you want to know a way to spend a nice, pleasant 
evening, you start something. 

GRANGER 

{Looks at Dean, then turns to Holiday.) 
We've got a police force in this town. 

HOLUDAY 
Oh, I won't need the. police force; I'll stake you to him. 

DEAN 
{Laughs, as GRANGER turns to him.) 

Make a good story for the Chronicle, Governor, " Bartender leads 
the Prohibition party to victory," 



42 HIT-THE-TRAIL HOIXIDAY 

{He and Granger laugh.) 

What are you going to do, tell them how many people your cock- 
tails have killed? 

HOIXIDAY 

I might. 

{Pause. ) 

That's not a bad idea. 

{Crosses C. below Granger, who goes R. C.) 

Or perhaps a better subject would be, " How beer is brewed and 
what it's made of. Being a bartender, they would actually give me 
credit for knowing'what I was talking about, don't you see? 

GRANGER 
{Sneeringly . ) 
You don't think you're going to get away with this, do you? 

HOLLIDAY 

Well, I don't know. I came 300 miles to be disappointed, and, 
by golly, I'm not going to leave here without having a little fun. 

GRANGER 
Well, we'll give you all the fun you're looking for if you try any 
of your monkey business in this town. 
{Laughs contemptuously.) 
Come on, Dean. 
{To Jayson, as he turns up R.) 
Remember what I told you, Jayson. 
( Goes up to R. door. ) 

DEAN 
{Starts R., crossing below Holuday and laughing in his face.) 
You're a hot one! 

GRANGER 

{Impatiently.) 
Come on ! 

DEAN 
{R. of Holuday, grinning at him.) 
Bartender, eh? Well, that's pretty good! 
( Hq^ijday grabs Dean's nose and twists it.) 
Hey, there, what are you doing! 
(Granger comes down R. t Sam crosses to barber chair R.) 



HIT-THE-TRAIL HOLIDAY 43 

Let go my nose, do you hear! 

{Breaks away from Holiday and stands holding his nose. ) 

Say, what are you trying to do, break my nose? 

HOLXIDAY 
Now I'm satisfied. I've been wanting to do that ever since I first 
laid eyes on you. 

{Goes to L. of manicure table and sits.) 

DEAN 
{Stands glaring at Holuday.) 
You're discharged ! 

GRANGER 
( To Dean, after a pause.) 

Well, why don't you fight him? Haven't you got any fight in 
you? 

DEAN 
( Goes to above manicure table; Holuday rises. ) 
Dean backs away to above C. table. ) 

Do you think I'd lower myself fighting with a bartender? 
( Holliday smiles contemptuously and sits. ) 

I'll get one of the men in the brewery to take care of him, don't 
worry. 

GRANGER 

{As he goes up to R. door.) 

Go on, you big coward, you're a disgrace to the name of Granger. 

{Exits up R. stairs.) 

DEAN 
{After Granger exits. ) 
Don't you talk to me like that. 
{To Holliday.) 
I'll have you in jail inside of an hour. 

HOLXIDAY 
Now, listen; if you don't get out of here I'll twist your wrist 
and break your watch. 

DEAN 
I'll get you before you leave town, you mark my words ! 
{Goes up to R. door.) 



44 HIT-THE-TRAIL HOLIDAY 

You dirty loafer! 
{Exits L.) 

(Jed, Joe, Sam and Pete burst out laughing as Dean exits, then 
all shake hands with each other. ) 

PETE 
I'm going to watch where he's going, 
{Exits upstage R. ) 

SAM 
Well, I guess it was coming to him. 

JOE 

I knew he'd get it sooner or later. Gosh, I hate him ! 

JED 
I'll play you another game on that, Joe, to see who hates him 
most. 

JOE 
Come on. 

(Jed and Joe sit in former positions at table and start another 
game, Sam standing above table watching them.) 

HOLLIDAY 
{lo Edith.) 
The boys all feel sorry for him. 

EDITH 
Do you suppose he will have you put in jail, Mr. Holliday? 

HOLLIDAY 

I don't know; but no matter what he does, it was worth it. I 
couldn't have kept my hands off his nose if my life had depended 
on it. 

( To Jayson, who has' come to above tabled, 

I'm sorry I lost my temper, Mr. Jayson. 

JAYSON 
I don't know what to say to you, young man; I'm sort of flab- 
bergasted. Do you think they'll let us use the hall? 

HOLLIDAY 
Oh, I imagine so. I think they were just bluffing; trying to 
frighten you. 



HIT-THE-TRAIL HOLLIDAY 45 

JAYSON 
Well, they succeeded, all right; I'm shaking all over. 

HOUJDAY 
That's too bad. 

EDITH 
Sit down, Mr. Jayson. 

JAYSON 
I believe I will. 

SAM 

Here you are, Boss. 

( Takes chair from above C. table and hands it to Jayson. ) 

JAYSON 
Thank you. 
{Places chair above manicure table and sits.) 

JOE 

{Aside to Jed and Sam, as he indicates Holuday.) 
That's the new bartender at the Johnsburg. 

JED 
That's who he is. 

SAM 
You don't say so ! 

HOLUDAY 

{To Jayson.) 

What time is this meeting supposed to start to-night? 

JAYSON 
They were to form at the depot at seven o'clock and march to the 
hall in order to draw the crowd. 

HOLUDAY 

Well, we ma}' not get in the hall, but we'll form at the depot, 
anyway. We've started this thing; now, by golly, we've got to 
go through with it. If the Prohibitionists will promise to follow a 
bartender, I'll lead the way — I'll go through with it. 



46 HIT*THB-TRAIL HOLLIDAY 

EDITH 
It's awfully kind of you to interest yourself in other people's 
troubles, Mr. Holliday. 

JAYSON 
I should say so. 

HOLLIDAY 
I've made up my mind to get even with that fellow, if I have to 
stay here a week to do it. What is it, local option here? 

JAYSON 
Yes; but Granger controls the votes on account of the brewery. 
That's why the town is wet. We still keep up the fight, though 
we live in hopes. 

EDITH 
Do you believe in Prohibition, Mr. Holliday? 

HOLLIDAY 
Well, hardly; that's a little out of my line. 

EDITH 
{Laughs.) 

Oh, that's so, I forgot. 
(Pats his hands.) 
There you are, all finished. 

HOLLIDAY 
Thank you. 

CHIEF 

[Comes down R. stairs and sticks his head through window.) 
Where's the fellcw that pulled Dean Granger's nose? 
{Comes downstage R., followed by Pete, who stays up C. All rise 
at sound of his voice. ) 

HOLLIDAY 
Here it comes; I'm pinched. 
{Crosses to Chief over R.) 
I guess I'm the man you're after. 

CHIEF 
Did you pull his nose? 



HIT-THE-TRAIL HOLLIPAY 47 

HOLLIPAY 
Yes ; what of it ? 

CHIEF 
{Extends his hand.) 
Put it there ! 

( They shake hands. All laugh. ) 

The town ought to chip in and give you a loving cup. 
{All laugh.) 
Did you pull it good and hard? 

HOLLIDAY 
You bet I did. 
{All laugh. Hollipay turns R.) 

JAYSON 

( Comes downstage L . ) 

Did he want him arrested, Chief? 

CHIEF 

Oh, I ain't seen him. I met Pete outside and he told me about it. 
I laughed so hard when I heard it that I swallowed my tobacco. 

{All laugh.) 

I've wanted to do the same thing fifty times, but I never had the 
nerve. 

( Turns R. to Holliday. ) 

Shake again, will you? 

{All laugh.) 

HOLLIDAY 
Sure. 

{Shakes hands with the Chief, then goes upstage C, gels his hat 
and cane and comes downstage L. of manicure table. ) 

CHIEF 
I'm going down to the drugstore and tell Dave Whitely about it. 
He hates him worse than I do. 
{To Holuday, over L.) 
I'm much obliged, young fellow. 
{Starts up R.) 

HOLLIDAY 
Don't mention it; it was a pleasure. 
{All laugh.) 



48 HITTHE-TRAIL, HOtLIDAY 

HOXDEN 

{Enters from up R. as the Chief is about to exit.) 
Hello, Chief. 

CHIEF 

{Raises his hat.) 

Well, glad to see you. How's the minister to-day? 

HOLDEN 

Splendid ! Never better. 

{Comes down R. The Chief exits R.) 

Good -day, gentlemen. 

JOE, JED and SAM 
How do you do, Parson? 
(JOE and Jed sit in former positions and continue game.) 

HOLDEN 
Hello, Burr! 
(Pete takes Holden's hat and hangs it upstage C.) 

JAYSON 

{As he goes C. ) 

Hello, T. B. How are you? 

HOLDEN 
I'll feel better after a shave. 
{As he crosses to Edith R. of manicure table.) 
How's my little girl? 

(Sam goes to above R. barber chair and prepares things for Holden's 
shave. 

EDITH 
Fine, Daddy. 

HOLLIDAY 

( J urns to Edith as he takes money from his pocket. ) 

How much do I owe 

{As he sees Holden.) 
Oh , I beg your pardon ! 

EDITH 
This is my father, Mr. Holliday. 



HIT - THE -TR All, HOLLIDAY 49 

HOLUDAY 
{Shakes hands with Holden.) 
How do you do, sir. 
(Edith turns to manicure table and straightens things.) 

HOLDEN 
What's the name again? 

HOLLIDAY 
Holliday. 

HOLDEN 

Oh, yes; I have friends of the name of Holliday in Syracuse in 
the jewelry business. Any connection, I wonder? 

HOLLIDAY 

Jewelry? 

{Smiles.) 

Well, hardly. Cut glass is more in my line. 

(Joe, Jed and Sam snicker.) 

HOLDEN 
Cut glass? Well, that's a good business. Glad to have met you. 

HOLLIDAY 

Thank you. 
(Edith starts up L.) 

HOLDEN 

{As he starts R.) 

Come on, Sam; I want a shave. 

SAM 
All right, sir. 
(Holden sits in R. chair. Usual barber business.) 

HOLLIDAY 
{Starts up L. as he sees Edith about to exit.) 
Here, wait a second, little girl ; I haven't paid you yet. 

EDITH 
{Turns to him, smiling.) 

Oh, yes, you have; you've more than paid me. You've been 
perfectly wonderful. 



50 HIT- THE -TRAIL HOLLIDAY 

HOLLIDAY 
Why, nothing of the kind. 
( Tries to force bill on her. ) 
Now, here; I insist. 

EDITH 
I couldn't think of taking it, really. No, really. 
( Turns and exits L. stairs. ) 
(Holliday stands with bill in his hand, watching her exit. 

PETE 
( Comes down to Hoixiday and starts brushing off his clothes. ) 
(As he gets in front of him he takes the bill from his hand.) 
Thank you, sir. 

HOLDEN 
I dare say there'll be a big gathering at Johnsburg Hall to-night, 
eh, Burr? 

JAYSON 
Why, yes, if everything goes smoothly, there should be quite a 
crowd. 

( Turns L . to Hoixiday . ) 

I don't know how to thank you, young man, 

HOLLIDAY 
Why, I haven't done anything to be thanked for yet, and I don't 
know whether I can or not; but I'm going to try to get you a square 
deal to-night if I lose an arm. 

JAYSON 
You don't think there'll be any trouble, do you? 

HOIJJDAY 
I don't think so. They'll probably run me out of town, but that 
won't matter; I've got to go back to New York, anyway. 
(Goes downstage L. and gets his hat and cane.) 

HOLDEN 
Oh, Burr! 

JAYSON 
Yes? 

HOLDEN 
I wish you'd send a case of Nearly Beer over to my house; I'm 
just out of it. 



HIT -THE- TRAIL HOIXIDAY 51 

JAYSON 

I'll attend to it as soon as I get upstairs. 

HOLLIDAY 
{Up to Jayson.) 
Say, what is this Nearly Beer of yours, Mr. Jayson? 

JAYSON 
I think it's a pretty good drink. Would you like to try a bottle? 

HOLLIDAY 
Yes, I would. 

JAYSON 

All right, come on and I'll treat you. 

{Takes Holuday's arm and starts for L. stairs.) 

HOLLIDAY 
Thanks. 

{Starts for stairs with Jayson, then turns to men.) 
Well, good -day, gentlemen. 

MEN 
Good -day. 
(Holuday and Jayson exit L. stairs.) 

PETE 

{Gets broom, sweeps the floor and starts whistling " Tipperary.") 

JOE 
Say, stop whistling that tune, will you, Pete? 

JED 
Yes, for heaven's sake, be neutral. 

PETE 
Oh, all right. 
{Stops whistling and goes upstage C. ) 

SAM 
How are you coming out, Joe? 

JOE 

By gad! he's got four kings to my two again 



52 HIT- THE- TRAIL HOLLIDAY 

SAM 
{Laughs, then to Holden.) 
That fellow that just went out pulled Dean Granger's nose, 

HOLDEN 
{Sits up in chair. ) 
He what ! 

SAM 
He pulled Dean Granger's nose. 
(Sam and Holden laugh heartily.) 
(Joe and Jed continue game in silence. ) 
( Pete sweeps the floor. ) 
(Sam continues shaving the Minister.) 
{A hand organ off stage plays ' ' Tipper ary . ' ' ) 
(Jed and Joe look up disgusted, then resume %ame as 

CURTAIN FALLS. 



HIT-THE-TRAIL HOLLIDAY 53 

4 'Hit -the -Trail Holliday' 

ACT II. 

SCENE: The living room in the home of the Rev. T. B. Holden ; an 
old-fashioned room, with furniture a bit the worse for wear, but 
everything scrupulously neat. 

At rise of curtain, Holden is seated R. of table R., reading a 
paper and smoking a pipe. 

The door bell offstage left rings. 

Anna, the colored maid, enters from R., crosses and exits left. In 
a few seconds she re-enters. 

ANNA 

{Enters from L., comes slightly down toward Holden.) 

Mrs. Temple wants to know can she see you for a few minutes? 

HOLDEN 
Mrs. Temple? Why, certainly. 
{Lays aside his pipe and paper.) 

ANNA 
{Goes to door L. and calls.) 
Come right in, Ma'am. 

* 

MRS. TEMPLE 
{Enters from L. and goes down to above R. table.) 
How do you do, Parson? 
(Anna crosses and exits right.) 

HOLDEN 

{Rises.) 

Hello, Mrs. Temple. Glad to see you. 

MRS. TEMPLE 

I probably shouldn't annoy you this way, but I simply couldn't 
resist the temptation of coming over and asking you what you think 
of all the excitement. My gracious, but the people are all stirred up ! 
All they're talking about from one end of the town to the other is 
Billy Holliday. 

{Sits above table.) 



54 HIT-THE-TRAIL HOLLIDAY 

HOLDEN 

(As he sits R. of table.) 

I was just reading an account of it in the Chronicle. 

MRS. TEMPLE 
That doesn't give you the faintest idea of how wonderful he was. 
Did Edith tell you how he managed the crowd? 

HOLDEN 
Yes, she kept me up till after ten o'clock last night talking about 
the affair. He's a very remarkable young man to have done what 
he did. 

MRS. TEMPLE 
And just imagine — his first appearance as a public speaker. Why, 
the man was uncanny. Granger had a hundred or more hoodlums 
there for the purpose of breaking up the meeting. Not one of the 
speakers uttered a syllable that could be heard above the hissing and 
hooting. We said and did everything we could possibly think of to 
quiet them, but it seemed hopeless until Holliday jumped up on the 
platform with the American flag. 

HOLDEN 
That was rather a happy thought. 

MRS. TEMPLE 
He kept waving the flag until the entire audience began to cheer — 
hoodlums and all — and then he requested them all to stand up and 
sing the " Star Spangled Banner." 

HOLDEN 

Yes, Edith was telling me that they tried to sing it. 

MRS. TEMPLE 

They tried, but, my dear, they didn't know it 

(Laughs.) 

Not one of them. They started to hum the tune and mumble, 
but he stopped them and demanded the words. He offered a prize of 
five dollars in gold to any man in the hall who would come forward 
and sing the national anthem. 

HOLDEN 

And no one responded? 



HIT-THE-TRAIL HOLLIDAY 55 

MRS. TEMPLE 
No, not one. And that's when he said : " You're a fine bunch of 
Americans." 

{Both laugh.) 

HOLDEN 

And so he went over txAhe piano and taught them the song, eh? 

MRS. TEMPLE 

Yes ; made them repeat line after line until they knew every word 
of it. They must have applauded him two minutes after that. I never 
heard such a demonstration in all my life. And then he started to talk. 

{Rises. ) 

I tell you, he had that audience absolutely spellbound for over 
half an hour. He had them shrieking with laughter one minute and 
sitting on edge the next. Have you read his",speech? 

HOLDEN 

I was just finishing it when you came. He has rather an unusual 
way of putting things. I must admit that some of his remarks are 
quite beyond my comprehension. 

MRS. TEMPLE 

( Takes stage C.) 

Oh, I do wish you could have heard him. It wasn't particularly 
what he said — the man's personality stood out like a house afire. 

{Imitates Holiday's delivery.) 

" Why allow yourselves to be ruled by a man who has not seen 
the inside of a church in over twenty years?" 

{Both laugh.) 

HOLDEN 
Referring to Granger, I suppose? 

MRS. TEMPLE 
Of course he was. 
{Starts for R. table. ) 

He didn't mention any names — he called him the Czar. 
{Both laugh , as she sits L. of table.) 

HOLDEN 

{As he picks up paper from table.) 
This is not a bad line of his here. 
{Reads. ) 



56 HIT-THE-TRAIL HOLLIDAY 

"There is a pathway of happiness — it leads to church. Hit the 
trail, young man ; hit the trail ! ' ' 

MRS. TEMPLE 
Oh, but the one about the baseball game caught the crowd. 

HOLDEN 

Perhaps this is what you mean. 

{Reads. ) 

"The score stands 2 to 1 in favor of the saloon keeper, but the 
game is young. Stand up to the plate, young man, and make 'em be 
good. Never swing at the first one. Look out for the high balls. Let 
them go by and you'll get on, and once you're on, you've got them in 
the hole. Get to second, slide to third, and you'll come home with 
the run that ties the score and gives us a chance to beat the Boozers." 

{Looks up, perplexed. ) 

I don't quite follow him, do you? 

MRS. TEMPLE 
Why, yes; he's speaking in baseball vernacular. 

HOLDEN 
Oh, I see! 

MRS. TEMPLE 
Tell me, Parson. What do you think of it all? 

HOLDEN 
Well, I really don't know. The Chronicle telephoned me a while 
ago asking for my views on the matter, but, as I told them, I can't 
very well endorse the man, and knowing no reason why I should con- 
demn him, I'd rather not be quoted at all. However, I will say that 
I sincerely trust Mr. Holliday's advice to the young men of this town, 
"to desert the saloon and go to church," will have its effect. 

MRS. TEMPLE 
You know, I really believe it will. I tell you, he fairly hypno- 
tized the people. 

( Telephone on table rings. ) 

HOLDEN 
Pardon me just a moment. 
{Picks up Phone.) 



HIT-THE-TRAIL HOLLIDAY 57 

MRS. TEMPLE , 
(As she rises. ) 

Oh, don't bother about me; I must go, really. 
(Starts up L.) 

HOLDEN 
(In Phone.) 
Hello ! .... Yes Oh, hello, Rex ! 

MRS. TEMPLE 

( Turns at mention of Granger 's name. ) 

Who is it, Granger? 

(Comes slightly downstage C, as Holden nods affirmatively .) 

HOLDEN 

( In Phone. ) 

What's that, Rex? Why, surely, I'll be here All 

right, come over Very well, I'll be looking for you. 

(Hang's up, rises, and goes up C. to Mrs. Temple.) 

He's coming over here to see me. Something of importance, 
he says. 

MRS. TEMPLE 

( Laughs as she extends her hand. ) 

Well, I'll hurry along before he gets here. I can imagine his 
frame of mind to-day after all that happened last night. 

HOLDEN 
Edith will be home shortly. Won't you stay and lunch with us? 

MRS. TEMPLE 

No, I must go; thanks awfully, just the same. 
(Four cheers off-stage left.) 

(Mrs. Temple goes to window L. and looks out.) 
(Anna enters from R. at sound of cheers. 

HOLDEN 

What in the world is that? 

(Door bell rings L.) 

(He motions to Anna to answer it. She exits L.) 



58 HIT-THE-TRAIL HOLLIDAY 

MRS. TEMPLE 
{Looking out of window. ) 
Why, there's a crowd outside your house. 
( Two cheers off L.) 

HOLDEN 

{Goes to window above Mrs. Temple and looks out.) 
A crowd ! 

MRS. TEMPLE 
Yes. Look, there's Mr. Jayson on the steps — and Mr. Holliday ! 
Yes, that's who it is, Billy Holliday. See, he's bowing to them. 
( One cheer offstage. ) 

HOLDEN 
What in the world are they doing out there? 

MRS. TEMPLE 
They're coming in. 
(H olden crosses to R. C.) 
Just look at that crowd, will you! 
{Offstage: Holliday! (4); Speech! (2); Cheer! (l). 

ANNA 
( Ushers Jayson and Holliday in, then exits L.) 
(Mrs. Temple turns from window, but stays tip L.) 

JAYSON 

( Comes down to Holden and shakes hands. ) 

We just had to come in here to get awav from the crowd, T. B. 

HOLDEN 
That's all right, Burr; you're perfectly welcome. 
( Turns to Holliday with extended hand. ) 
Allow me to congratulate you, Mr. Holliday. 
{After shaking hands with Holden, Jayson crosses to R. bookcase, 
places his hat on it, then comes to R. of Holden.) 

HOLLIDAY 

{As he shakes hands with Holden.) 

Thanks, but I deserve to be pitied. I haven't been able to move 
without that mob at my heels all day. 



HIT -THE -TRAIL HOLLIDAY 59 

MRS. TEMPLE 
( Comes dozvn to L. of Holuday. ) 
Well, you're quite a popular young man. 

HOLLIDAY 

( Turns to her. ) 

Oh, how do you do, Mrs. Temple. Yes; I don't know yet what 
it's all about. 

{Offstage: Holiday! (2) Speech! (2) 

ANNA 

{Enters from L., and comes slightly down C.) 

The crowd say they won't go away till Mr. Holyday says some- 
thing. 

{Exits L.) 

HOLLIDAY 
{Laughs.) 
Can you beat that? 

HOLDEN 
Perhaps they will disperse if you say a few words. 

JAYSON 
Yes; they won't be satisfied unless you do. 

HOLLIDAY 

No, thanks ; I said all I could say last night. I don't know how 
I ever thought of that, to tell you the truth. 
{Cheering Offstage.) 

MRS. TEMPLE 

{As she opens L. window.) 

Just come to the window and show yourself. Thank them, that's 
all that's necessary. 

(Jayson and Holden are zirging Holuday toward the window, 
all talking ad. lib.) 

HOLLIDAY 

{After repeated urgings trom Jayson and Holden, he finally 
braces himself and goes to the window. As he jumps up on window seat 



60 HIT-THE-TRAIL HOLLIDAY 

and raises his hand, the crowd offstage applauds. Hoi/LIDAY turns and 
grins at people on stage. The crowd applauds until he starts talking. ) 

My dear freinds, I thank you. What more can I say than that 
which I have already said. 

{One cheer. Houjday turns and grins at people on stage.) 

Ever since man discovered the process of turning sugar into 
alcohol, we have all been turning our sugar into alcohol. 

(Laugh, cheer and applause.) 

HOLLIDAY 

( Turns to people on stage. ) 
How was that? 

ALL 
Fine! Splendid! Go on, etc. 

HOLLIDAY 

The water wagon rolls over the Avenue of Prosperity and carries 
its passengers by the prisons and madhouses safely to the doors of the 
church. It's a free ride, boys, so hop on and let's all make the trip 
together. I thank you. 

[Offstage: Three cheers for Billy Holliday! Hurray! Hurray! 
Hurray! 

Holliday closes the window, picks up his hat from couch, where he 
he has thrown it on going to window, and goes C. ) 



Splendid ! 

Very good indeed 



MRS. TEMPLE 
HOLDEN 
JAYSON 



(To HOLDEN.) 

You should have heard him last night. 

HOLLIDAY 

(Laughs.) 

You know, if you keep on telling me that I'll begin to believe it. 

MRS. TEMPLE 

(As she comes down to R. of Holliday. ) 
You're far too modest, Mr. Holliday. 



HIT-THE-TRAIL HOLUDAY 61 

HOLDEN 

Won't you be seated? 

{Crosses downstage to R. of R. table.) 

JAYSON 

{As he starts R. ) 

I've got to sit down and rest for a minute. Gosh, they did jostle 
us, didn't they? 

{Sits above R. table.) 

HOLUDAY 
{Starts R.) 

If they'd kept on accumulating for a few more blocks we'd have 
had the whole town with us, that's all. 

MRS. TEMPLE 

I do believe you're a bigger attraction here than Barnum's circus 
would be. 

HOIXIDAY 

Yes, if a circus had a freak like me they could make a lot of money. 

HOLDEN 

How on earth do you ever think of so many remarkable things to 
say, young man? 

{Sits R. of table. Mrs. Temple sits on L. couch.) 

HOUJDAY 

{Over to L. of table.) 
Are you stringing? 

HOLDEN 

Stringing? 



HOLLIDAY 



I mean, are you serious? 
{Sits L. of table.) 

HOLDEN 

Indeed I am ; I'm very much interested. It's all very strange 
to me. 



62 HIT-THE-TRAIL HOLLIDAY 

HOLLIDAY 

{Laughs.) 

Well, believe me, it isn't half as strange to you as it is to me. I 
never made a speech in my life before until last night. I didn't realize 
what I was doing until I got started, and even then I didn't know 
what I was saying. I lost my temper, and was up on that platform 
before I knew where I was at. They wouldn't listen to the others, so 
I didn't suppose they'd listen to me, but when they quieted down and 
gave me their attention, there was nothing left for me to do but talk — 
and so I talked. I thought I was gone fifty times, but I kept right on 
talking. Every time I'd stick I'd think of that fellow Granger, and 
I'd get so mad that the words just naturally came to me, that's all. 

HOLDEN 
I never heard of such a thing! 

MRS. TEMPLE 
{As she rises and goes to C.) 
It certainly was a wonderful night! 

JAYSON 
They want him to speak over in Weymouth. The Y. M. C. A. 

people called me up from there this morning 

(Mrs. Temple goes to L. of Jayson. 

and asked me to make arrangements for him to speak under 



their auspices tomorrow evening, but Mr. Holliday says he won't do it. 

MRS. TEMPLE 
Why not? 

HOLLIDAY 
Don't make me laugh. 

HOLDEN 
The Y. M. C. A! Well, you must have made an imprsssion. 
That's quite an honor. 

JAYSON 
That's what I was telling him. 

MRS. TEMPLE 
{As she comes down to L. of Holliday.) 
Oh, you should go, by all means, Mr. Holliday. 



HIT-THE-TRAIL HOLLIDAY 63 

HOLLIDAY 

Go? What for? Why, I couldn't get away with a thing like 
that again in a thousand years. 
(Mrs. Temple turns L.) 

HOLDEN 
You mean you haven't confidence in yourself? 

HOLLIDAY 

That's exactly what I mean. I went through with the thing last 
night simply because they tried to give Mr. Jayson the worst of it and 
refused to give him the hall, but so far as the speech -making was con- 
cerned, the whole thing was a joke with me. I got even with the 
Granger people, that's all I care about. 

MRS. TEMPLE 
( Over to L. of Holuday. ) 

Don't be silly! If you could win over a hostile crowd as you did 
last night, what could you do with a friendly audience? 

JAYSON 
That's what I was telling him. 

HOLDEN 

Of course, most lecturers and preachers carry a certain air of dig- 
nity which possibly you lack, but nevertheless, your speech as I read 
it just now, contains many flashes of brilliancy. And what makes it 
doubly interesting is the very original way you have of saying things. 

(Holliday looks enquiringly at Mrs. Temple. She nods.) 

{He repeats same business with Jayson, then turns to Holden.) 

Of course, you intend to continue in this field? 

HOLLIDAY 
Hey? 

HOLDEN 
I say, you intend continuing in this field? 

HOLLIDAY 
What field? 

HOLDEN 
As a speaker, I mean. 



64 HIT-THE-TRAIL HOLLIDAY 

HOLLIDAY 

No, Mr. Holden, I'm taking the three o'clock train back this 
afternoon to the field where I belong. Bartending is my trade. 
(As Mrs. Temple turns L. with an impatient exclamation.) 
Oh, it may not be the best way in the world to make a living ( but 
it's the only business I know anything about, and as Canfield, the 
gambler, once said when he beat himself playing solitaire, " Everyman 
to his own game." 

HOLDEN 

I don't quite follow you. 

HOLLIDAY 

Well, it would take too long to explain that one 

(Rises.) 

so we'll let it go by default. 

{Goes to Mrs. Temple at L. window.) 

Is it safe to go out now? Has the crowd left? 

MRS. TEMPLE 
Oh, yes, they've gone about their business long ago. 
{She and Hollidav look out ot window. ) 

HOLDEN 

{To Jayson.) 
Strange man ! 

JAYSON 

Nice fellow, though. 

HOLLIDAY 
(Starts R.) 
Well, we'd better get back to the hotel, Mr. Jayson. 

JAYSON 

( Rises. ) 

Yes, I guess we better had. 

(Holden rises. ) 

EDITH 

(Enters from L., carrying several newspapers.) 
Hello, everybody ! 

ALL 
Hello, Edith, etc, 



HIT-THE-TRAIL HOLLIDAY 65 

EDITH 

(As she comes to L. of Holliday, who is C.) 

I knew you were here, Mr. Holliday ; I met the crowd on their 
way back down town. I heard all about your speech at the window. 
The New York papers just got in ; I brought them home for Daddy to 
see. Your picture's on the front page of every one of them. 

(Hands Holliday a paper. ) 

Big headlines, see? 

( Crosses and gives Holden and Jayson a paper. ) 

A full account of the whole thing, and every word of your speech 
in every one of them. You've caused a sensation. 

(Crosses to Mrs. Temple and hands her a paper.) 

Just look at this, Mrs. Temple — New York paper! I tell you, 
Johusburg is some pumpkins to-day! 

(All stand in silence reading papers.) 

HOLLIDAY 

(After a pause.) 
My God! 

ALL 
(Look up at Holliday, horrified.) 
What! 

HOLLIDAY 

(Looks around at their exclamation.) 
Oh, I beg your pardon. 

( Crosses to L. of table and sits reading in silence. ) 
(After he is seated, Holden sits R. of table and reads. ) 
(After Holden is seated, Jayson sits above table, reading.) 
(After Jayson is seated, Edith sits upstage C. and reads.) 
(After Edith is seated, Mrs. Temple sits on couch L.) 
(All sit reading in silence.) 

JAYSON 

(After all are seated. ) 

" Booze expert turns temperance preacher." 

MRS. TEMPLE 

(Reads. ) 

" Billy Holliday hits the trail and asks the young men of America 
to follow along." 



66 HIT-THE-TRAIL HOLLIDAY 

HOLDEN 
{.Reads, after a slight pause.) 

" Down with the distilleries! Blow up the breweries! says Billy 
Holliday." ' 

EDITH 
(Reads.) 
" Go to church, young man, cries the Broadway bartender." 

HOLLIDAY 
(After a slight pause. ) 
Well, I'll be damned! 

ALL 
What! 

HOLLIDAY 

(Looks around apologetically .) 

Oh, excuse me; I'm awfully sorry. 

(All conti?iue reading in silence. ) 

ANNA 
(Enters from R., comes down and taps Holden on the shoulder.) 
How many's gwine to be to lunch, Parson? 

HOLDEN 
(To Holliday.) 
Oh, won't you stop and have luncheon with us, Mr. Holliday? 

HOLLIDAY 

(Looks up absent-mindedly .) 

Eh? Oh, I'll have the same as Mr. Jayson. 

(Continues reading.) 

EDITH 
Oh, do stay, Mr. Jayson. 

JAYSON 
All right, Edith. 
(Continues reading.) 

HOLDEN 
Mrs. Temple? 



HrT-THE-f RAIL HOLIDAY 67 

MRS. TEMPLE 
Why, yes, if the others are going to stay, I might as well. 
Thanks. 

( Continues reading. ) 

HODDEN 

{Aside to Anna.) 
Five; is there enough? 

ANNA 
{Aside. ) 
I don't think so; only a little cold ham in the ice box. 

HOLDEN 

{Aside. ) 

Do the best you can, Anna. 

ANNA 
{Aside.) 

Well, I'll treat it stingily and I guess I can make it go round. 
{Starts up R.) 
{Door bell rings off L. ) 

HOLDEN 

See who that is, Anna. 

ANNA 

Yaas, sir. 

{Exits L. , leaving door open. ) 

MRS. TEMPLE 

{Reads.) 

" It is rumored that the Allied Temperance Societies of Greater 
New York will endorse his lecture." 

( Al,i, turn and look at her as she reads.) 
(Holiday gives an embarrassed cough. ) 

EDITH 

{Reads.) 

" He positively electrified his audience." 

(AtL look at her as she reads. ) 

JAYSON 
That's what I was telling him. 



68 HIT-THE-TRAIL HOLIDAY 

HOLDEN 

I certainly must hear you the next time you speak, Mr. Holliday. 

HOLIDAY 

{Laughs.) 

I'm going to roll out of bed in a minute and light right on my 
head. 

GRANGER 
{Offstage L.) 
That's all right. Never mind that ; he expects me. 

{All on stage rise.) 

(Granger enters from L., conies down C. and looks at people.) 

Oh, excuse me ! 

Anna follows him on, crosses stage and exits R.) 

HODDEN 
How do you do, Rex? 

GRANGER 
Why didn't you tell me over the phone that these people were 
here? 

HODDEN 
Well, they weren't here at the time. 

HOLIDAY 

( Crossing to R. of GRANGER. ) 

Hello, Mr. Granger. How's your little boy's nose to-day? 
{Laughs. Mrs. Temple goes upstage C. to R. of Edith, who 
drops downstage L. a bit. Both women giggle.) 

GRANGER 

{Angrily .) 

I didn't come here to talk to you. 

HOLUDAY 
Oh, but I'm worth talking to. Look, my picture's in the paper. 
{Hold paper hi front of Granger and points out his picture.) 

GRANGER 

{Shakes his finger in Holuday's face.) 

The best thing you can do is to get out of this town. 



HIT-THE-TRAIL HOLLIDAY 69 

HOLIDAY 
That's one of the best things anyone can do, the way the town is 
being run. 

GRANGER 
You publicly insulted me last night — 'everyone knows it — I can 
prove it. 

HOLLJDAY 
If everyone knows it, what's the use of proving it? 

GRANGER 
You better be careful who you talk to. 

HOU.IDAY 
If I was careful who I talked to, I wouldn't talk to you at all. 

HOL,DEN 

Gentlemen, please, please! 

(Holuday turns up C; Edith crosses to him.) 

(Mrs. Temple goes over R. C. upstage.) 

GRANGER 
I want to see you alone, T. B. 

HOUDEN 

Show the folks into the dining room, Edith. 

EDITH 

( Turns R. ) 

Come along, Mrs. Temple. Come, Mr. Jayson. 

{Turns to Holiday.) 

This way, Mr. Holliday. 

(Jayson and Mrs. Temple exit R.) 

HOLUDAY 

( To Edith, as he starts downstage. ) 
Pardon me ! 

{Comes down to above Granger.) 

What you want to do is to get a slouch hat and a whip, and change 
your name to Simon L,egree. 

{Laughs, as he starts up R.) 



70 HIT -THE -TRAIL HO-UJDAY 

GRANGER 

{Furiously .) 

Go on, you upstart! 

HOIXIDAY 
( Turns to Granger . ) 

I may be an upstart, but I'm a self-starter, and that's more than 
that funny son of yours can say. 

EDITH 

Come, Mr. Holliday. 

{Takes his arm; both exit R.) 

GRANGER 

{Crosses to L. of R. table as Edith and Houjday exit.) 
What's that man doing in your house ? What have you done — lost 
your senses? 

HOIvDEN 

{As he sits R. of table. ) 

What is it you wish to see me about, Rex? 

GRANGER 

{Sits L. of table.} 

About this fellow. You know what he did here last night, 
don't you? 

HOLDEN 
Made a speech, I understand. 

GRANGER 
Yes, and started a near riot. Johnsburg won't be safe to live in 
forty -eight hours from now unless we all get together and run him out 
of town. He worked the people up to such a pitch last night that the 
Mayor shot out an order to close all the saloons at ten o'clock for fear 
of violence; that's how serious it is. And now to-day, with all that 
truck in the New York and Boston papers, why they're ready to burn 
down the brewery or dynamite the new hotel, or do some fool thing 
that will bring disgrace on the citizens and probably cause bloodshed . 

HOEDEN 
Oh, I hardly think it is as bad as that, Rex. 



HlT-THE-TRAIIv HOLIDAY 71 

GRANGER 

You don't, eh? 

(Rises, goes C, then turns to Holden.) 

Well, go on down town and listen to the talk. Groups of men 
all over the place arguing back and forth. 

{Goes slightly above table.) 

Why, a lot of dirty-faced kids were throwing potatoes at my office 
windows this morning. I had to have a dozen of them arrested. It's 
in the air, I tell you. They're looking for trouble, and this man 
Holliday is to blame for it all. 

( Goes up R. ) 

HOLDEN 

(As he rises.) 

Well, what can I do? 

GRANGER 

(Comes down to above table.) 

I'll tell you what you can do. You can advise the Y. M. C. A. 
people in Weymouth not to bring him over there. I got a tip that he's 
to speak there tomorrow night. 

HOLDEN 

Then why not let him go to Weymouth if you want him out of 
town ? 

GRANGER 

Because I've got money invested there. I own a half interest in 
the East Weymouth Brewery. Do you think 1 want that town in 
the same condition he's put this? You might ask a favor yourself 
some day. 

HOLDEN 

I never ask favors. I do the best I can on my own. I've had 
quite a struggle in the past few years holding the church together. 
I've even had to call upon my little girl to assist in the support of our 
home. That's why she went to work. But through all my worries 
I've never asked favors. 

( Granger goes L., Holden following.) 

The only favor I could possibly ask of you, Rex, is to set an 
example to the young men of the town by coming to prayer meeting 
once in a while. 



72 HIT-THE-TRAIL HOELIDAY 

GRANGER 

I'm a business man. What right have you to criticise me for not 
going to church? 

HOLDEN 
No more right than you have to criticise me for entertaining Mr. 
Holliday. 

GRANGER 

Do you mean to say you're in favor of this cheap bartender shoot- 
ing off his mouth and getting everybody into trouble? 

HOLDEN 
I can't afford to enter into this thing one way or the other, Rex. 
( Turns upstage at beginning of above speech, then comes downstage to 
R. of R. table. ) 

GRANGER 

Oh, you can't, eh? 

{Goes to L. of Holden down R.) 

Can't afford to protect the town against a man that's doing it a lot 
of harm, eh? But you can afford to bring him into your home and 
entertain him — is that the way you feel about it? What kind of a citi- 
zen do you call yourself? 

HOLDEN 

You'll find me a pretty tough citizen if you force me to take off 
my coat. 

GRANGER 

What do you mean? 

HOLDEN 
I'm in splendid condition ; I go to gymnasium every day. You've 
said quite enough — now get out. 

GRANGER 

Wait a minute — I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. 
( The two men stand glaring at each other.) 
{Door bell left rings.) 

ANNA 
{Enters from R.) 
The folks is all at lunch, Parson, 
{Exits L.) 



HIT-THE-TRAIL. HOUJDAY 73 

HOLDEN 
Very well, Anna, I'll be right there. 

{Phone rings. Granger ^« upstage L.) 
(Holden picks iip phone. ) 

Hello ! Mr. Granger ? 

(Granger stops at mention of his name.) 

Yes, he's here. . . .Very well, just a minute. 

( To Granger, as he places phone on L. side of table.) 

Some one for you. 

{Paces up and down R. ) 

GRANGER 

{Sits L. of table and picks up phone. ) 

Hello !.... Yes, this is me; what do you want? .... Hello, 
Thompson. . . .Why, what's the matter? 

DEAN 

{Enters hurriedly from L. and comes downstage C.) 
(Anna follows him on, crosses, and exits R.) 

HOLDEN 
Hello, Dean. 

DEAN 
{Raises his hat to Hol,den.) 
Say, Dad 

GRANGER 

Keep quiet ! 

( In phone. ) 

What's that?.... Who said so?.... When did this happen?.... 
Great Scott ! . . . . Listen, you get over to the Mayor's office right away, 
do you understand?. Tell him I'll be down there in ten minutes. 
Tell him to wait there till I come, understand? 

{Puts phone on table, rises, and turns to Hol,den.) 

Well, more trouble — the bartenders have gone on a strike. 

( Goes upstage C. ) 

DEAN 

{Follows Granger up C.) 

That's what I came here to tell you. They walked out twenty 
minutes ago. 

{Both come downstage C.) 

The West Johnsburg men have joined them, and I understand 
they've struck in Weymouth, too. 



74 HIT-THE-TRAIL HOLIDAY 

GRANGER 
What do they demand? 

DEAN 

More pay. They heard about Holliday getting a hundred dollars 
a week, and they held an indignation meeting in front of the Court 
House this morning. 

GRANGER 
{Turns R. to GRANGER.) 
See? He's the cause of this, too. 

DEAN 
They wrecked Mulligan's place, 

GRANGER 
They did? 

DEAN 

Yes — three arrests made. You could hear them hollering a block 
away. 

(Imitates the yelling of the men. ) 

Holliday! Holliday! Holliday! That's the way they were 
hollering. 

HOLIDAY 
{Enters from R., followed by Edith, Jayson and Mrs. Temple.) 
(As he comes down L. C.) 
Did somebody call me? 
(As Dean turns to him.) 
Hello, Chesty, how's your little wrist watch? 
(Laughs.) 
Gee, I bet I get on your nerves, don't I? 

GRANGER 

( To Dean, after a slight pause. ) 

Well, go on! Why don't you do what you said you were going 
to do? You promised me that the first time you laid eyes on him 
you'd thrash him within an inch of his life. Now, if you've got any 
pride, go ahead and fight him. 

DEAN 

(Stands looking at Holliday, then turns to Granger.) 
Remember, Governor, we're in a minister's house. 



HIT -THE -TRAIL. HOLLIDAY 75 

HOLLIDAY 



Come on 

{Starts up L.) 

let's go outside. 

( Turns to Dean as he gets near door. ) 
Come ahead. 

GRANGER 

(To Dean.) 

Well, are you going? 

DEAN 

Oh, I wouldn't dirty my hands on him.. 

GRANGER 

Go on, you cry baby; I'm ashamed of you! 

(Slaps Dean's face with a folded nezvspaper he carries.) 

(Hoixiday comes downstage and sits on L. couch, laughing.) 

DEAN 

(To Granger.) 

Say, don't you do that to me again ! 

GRANGER 
I'll do worse than that to you when I get you alone. 
(Crosses to Houjday, who is sitting on L. couch, laughing.) 
I'll give you just one hour to get out of this town. 

HOLDEN 

(To Granger.) 

And I'll give you just one minute to get out of this house. 

GRANGER 

( Turns to Hoi,den and shakes his finger at him. ) 
You're making the mistake of your life, Mr. Minister. 

HOLDEN 
One more remark and you'll make the mistake of yours. 

GRANGER 

(Goes to door L., then turns to Dean.) 
Come on, Jess Willard ! 
(Exits L.) 
(All laugh.) 



76 HlT-THE-TRAIL HOLIDAY 

DEAN 

{Goes upstage R., glares at Mrs. TempeE, KdiTh and Jayson, 
then comes down to above Holuday on couch.) 

If some one hits you on the head with a lead pipe you'll know 
who did it. 

HOLLIDAY 

I'll know it wasn't you; that's a cinch. 

DEAN 
Remember, you've got just one hour. 

HOLDEN 
{Starts for Dean. ) 
And your time is just about up ! 

DEAN 
Oh, I'm going. 
{Exits hurriedly L.) 
{All laugh.) 

MRS. TEMPLE 
Well, perhaps we can finish luncheon now. 

HOLDEN 
Of all the impertinent, impossible men! I don't understand how 
I controlled myself. 

EDITH 

( Comes down to R. of Hoeden. ) 
Don't let it make you nervous, Daddy. 

HOLLIDAY 

{Comes to L. of Hoeden.) 
I'm sorry, Mr. Holden. 

JAYSON 

{Has come down to R. of Edith at Dean's exit.) 

What'd he want, T. B.? 

(Mrs. Temple comes down to R. of Jayson.) 

HOLDEN 
Insisted that I advise the Y. M. C. A. people in Weymouth 
against Mr. Holliday's lectures. It seems he holds an interest in the 
East Weymouth Brewery, and 



HIT-THE-TRAIL HOLIDAY 77 

HOLIDAY 

Oh, he does, eh? 
( Turns to Jayson. ) 

Say, you call up Weymouth and tell those people that thing's on 
for tomorrow night. 



JAYSON 



Do you mean it? 



HOLLIDAY 
You bet I do. 

(Jayson goes to L. of R. table.} 

I'll have a piece to speak if I have to sit up all night writing it. 
(Goes upstage L., out into hall, then downstage L.) 

MRS. TEMPLE 
That's the way to talk! 

EDITH 
We'll go over and hear him, won't we, Daddy? 

HOIwDEN 

Yes, indeed. I'm very anxious to hear Mr. Holliday now. 

HOIXIDAY 

( Picks up paper lying on L . couch . ) 

You know, since I've been reading these papers, I'm beginning 
to believe this thing myself. 

( To Jayson, as he sits on couch. ) 

Go on, call them up; I'll go through with it. 

JAYSON 

(Sits L. of R. table and picks up phone.) 

Hello! Hello! Give me toll What? .... What?. .. . 

Some one trying to get this number? .... Hello ! . . . . Oh, hello, Beas- 
ley. . . .Yes, he's here Why, yes, do that; I'll put him on. 

( Turns to Houjday. ) 

A long-distance call for you at the hotel. They're switching it 
over to this wire 

HOLUDAY 
For me? 

(Rises and starts R. ) 
( Edith goes R. and sits above table.) 



78 HlT-THE-TRAIE HOIXIDAY 

JAYSON 

{Rises. ) 

Yes ; here you are. 

{Hands phone to Hoeeiday and goes to R. of table.) 

HOLLIDAY 

{As he goes to L. of cable, sits and takes phone.) 

What's this all about? 

{In phone. ) 

Hello! Yes, this is Mr. Holliday Yes. . . .Philadelphia? 

All right, put them on. 

( 7o people on stage. ) 

I wonder what's going on in Philadelphia? 

{In phone.) 

Hello !..,.. Yes ... Who is this ? .... I see ! . . . . Yes, this is Holli - 
day speaking. . . .How long? 

{Laughs.) 

Well, I don't know; they've given me just an hour to get out of 
town .... Who ? . . . . Oh , I see ! 

( Turns and winks knowingly at people on stage.) 

Yes, I understand. . . .Well, T don't know; I'll have to think that 
over. . . .Tomorrow?. . . .Yes, I'll be here if I'm alive. . . .All right. . . . 
Sure, I'll talk to you .... All right, wire me .... American House .... 
"Yes. . . . Good-bye. 

{Puts phone on table, rises, lauqhi?ig.) 

Well, can you beat that! 

( Goes to C. ) 

Mrs. Temple drops down R. of him ; Edith R. of Mrs. Temple. 
Javson comes to R. of Edith ; Holden is L. of Hoeeiday.) 

A committee of churchmen are coming here tomorrow to talk 
business with me for a series of lectures in Philadelphia. 

HOLDEN 
Really ! 

HOLLJDAY 
Unless somebody's stringing me over the phone. 

MRS. TEMPLE 
Oh, I can't imagine anyone doing such a thing! 

EDITH 
Why, of course not! 



HIT-THE-TRAIIv HOLLIDAY 79 

HOLDEN 
A committee of churchmen? How remarkable! 

HOLXIDAY 

{Stands thinking a moment, then goes slowly to couch L. and sits, 
Jayson follotving to R. of him.) 

You know, some people have to use a needle to get an effect 
like this. 

( People on stage look bewildered. ) 

JAYSON 

I'll call up Weymouth right away. 

(Starts R. for phone, crossing above Edith.) 

EDITH 

( Goes above Jayson as he starts to sit at table. ) 

Oh, wait till we've finished lunch, please. 

( One cheer offstage L . ) 

Come, Mr. Holliday. 

(Ael start for dining-room R.) 

(HoiviviDAY goes to L. window at sound of cheer. ) 

ANNA 
(Enters hurriedly from L. at cheer.) 
There's another big crowd gatherin' outside, Parson. 

HOIXIDAY 

What's the matter now? 

(Looks out of L. window. Edith, Mrs. Temple and Jayson go 
to L. window and look out. ) 

ANNA 

( To Hol,den, who goes up C. to her. ) 

The men with the moving picture asparastus is over yonder 
waitin' for that there Mr. Holyday to come out and have his picture 
took. 

HOLDEN 
Moving picture men ! 

ANNA 
Yaas, sir. 
(Exits L. ) 
(Holden goes to L. window with others.) 



80 HIT-THE-TRAIL HOLLIDAY 

HOLLIDAY 

That's right, see them across the street? They've got two 
machines there. See the operators pushing the crowd back? Look, 
they're taking a picture of the entire street. See the camera man on 
the back of the automobile. 

( One cheer off L . ) 

See that? They're throwing money to the crowd to get them 
to cheer. 

{One cheer off L.) 

JED 

{Enters from L. and comes downstage L. C.) 

Is Mr. Holliday here? 

(All turn to him.) 

JAYSON 

{Comes down to L. of Jed.) 

Hello, Jed, where'd you come from? 

JED 

From the hotel. Beasley asked me to bring some telegrams up 
here for Mr. Holliday. 

(Jayson crosses above Jed to R. of table.) 

HOLLIDAY 

Telegrams? 

{Goes to L. of Jed.) 

(Holden and Mrs. Temple stay L. of couch.) 

JED 

Yes, here you are. 

{Hands Holliday several telegrams.) 

EDITH 
Let me open them for you. 
( lakes wires , goes to R. of table, sits and opens them.) 

JED 
There's a lot of newspaper reporters waiting down there to see 
you, too. They all got in on the 12 :40 from New York. 

HOLLIDAY 

{As he goes to L. of table, crossing above Jed. ) 
Newspaper reporters! 

{Sits L. of table and reads telegrams as Edith hands them to him, 
opened. ) 



HIT-THE-TRAII, HOLLIDAY 81 

JED 

( lakes bill from his pocket and holds it up.) 
Look ! Ten dollars ! 

JAYSON 
Where' d you get it? 

JED 
Those moving picture fellows outside asked me who I was, and I 
told them I was Jed Cusick, champion checker player of Johnsburg, 
and they gave me this for posing in front of the machine. 
( One cheer offstage L.) 
(Jed turns slightly upstage C.) 

HOLDEN 
{Has turned toward window at sound of cheer. ) 
Great Scott, what a crowd ! 

JAYSON 

{Goes to above table.) 
No bad news, I hope? 

HOLXIDAY 

{Reads. Ai,L turn and look at him.) 

" Will you consider percentage contract guaranteeing you twenty- 
five thousand a year to handle Budweiser beer throughout New Eng- 
land? Anheuser-Busch Brewing Company." 

MRS. TEMPDE 
Twenty -five thousand a year! 

HODDEN 
It sounds incredible ! 

JED 
That's as much as the King of England gets, ain't it? 

EDITH 

{Hands another telegram to Holuday.) 
Here you are. 

HOLXIDAY 

{Reads.) 

" Name lowest figure any night next week to lecture at New York 
Hippodrome. All New York wants to hear you. — Charles Dil- 
lingham." 



82 HIT-THE-TRAIL HOIXIDAY 

JAYSON 
Who's he? 

JED 

He must be all right ; he's got a fancy name. 
( One cheer and laugh oft stage L . ) 

HOLDEN 

{Looking out of window.) 

Look, they've got the crowd dancing now. 

EDITH 

{Hands Holliday rest of the telegrams.) 
Here you are; they're all open. 

HOEUDAY 

{Reads. ) 

" Please don't close moving picture rights until you talk with our 
representative who arrives Johnsburg' 3 :30 to-day. — Universal Film 
Company." 

( Reads another. ) 

" Will pay you two dollars a word for 5,000 word article signed 
by you. Wire answer. — National Magazine." 

HOLDEN 
Two dollars a word! 

JED 
I wish to God my wife could get that much ! 

HOLLIDAY 

{Reads a?iother wire, laughs, rises, and goes to C.) 
(Al,l gather around him.) 

EDITH 

{As she goes to R. of him. ) 
What is it? 

HOLLIDAY 
Here's a rich one ! 
{Reads wire.) 

" God bless you. William Jennings Bryan." 
Ail laugh.) 

>\1rS. Temple goes upstage and sits on arm of couch. ) 
\Holden stays L. of Holliday; Jayson and Edith go R.) 



HIT-THE TRAIL HOLIDAY 83 

ANNA 

{Enters from L., followed by Hendricks, who comes down C.) 
This gentleman wants to see you, Mr. Holy day. 
{Exits L.) 

HOLLIDAY 

( Turns to Hendricks. ) 

Well, sir; what's on your mind? 



Mr. Holliday? 



Yes, sir. 



HKNDRICKS 



HOLLIDAY 



HKNDRICKS 



{Handing card to Holliday. ) 
That's who I am. 

HOLLIDAY 

{Reads. ) 

" George B. Hendricks, representing the Imperial Motion Picture 
Company of New York City. ' ' 

HENDRICKS 

Yes, sir; just arrived here on the 11.40 with a staff of seven men 
and four machines. The cameras are set; the operators are stand- 
ing by ; the crowd has been rehearsed, and everything is in readiness. 
All we ask now is that you spare us thirty minutes of your time, and 
within forty-eight hours Billy Holliday will be flashed on the screen 
in every principal city of the United States. 

( Two cheers offstage L . ) 

HOLLIDAY 

{Flips over telegrams he has in his hand and picks oiit the one from 
the Universal Film Company . ) 

I'm sorry, old pal, but I've got to wait and talk to this fellow 
first. 

{Hands the wire to Hendricks.) 



84 HIT-THE-TRAIL HOLLIDAY 

HENDRICKS 

{Looks at the message and laughs as he reads the signature.) 
The Universal, eh? Well, for once we beat them to it. 
{Hands telegram to Holliday, then takes check from his pocket.) 
Mr. Holliday, here is a certified check on the Corn Exchange 

Bank drawn to your order. It will take you just thirty minutes to earn 

the right to cash it. 

{Hands the check to Holliday. ) 

HOLLIDAY 

{As he reads the amount on check.) 
Ten thousand dollars ! 

ALL 
What ! 

HOLLIDAY 

What is this, anyway; a practical joke? 

CHIEF 

{Enters from L., followed by six policemen.) 

Come on, boys ! 

( All turn 7/pstage aud look at Chief ; Hendricks goes L. ) 

Come on, line up here. Get in a straight line. 

{Lines the policemen across upstage, then comes down C.) 

HOLLIDAY 

There you are ! The first chance I ever had to get some real 
money, and I'm pinched. 
{Turns C. to Chief.) 

CHIEF 
Hello, Mr, Holliday! We come here to see you. 

HOLLIDAY 
I thought so. 

HOLDEN 

What does this mean, Chief? 

(Mrs. Temple drops down to L. of Holden.) 



HlT-THE-TRAIL HOLLIDAY 85 

CHIEF 

{Turns L. to Hodden.) 

I'm sorry to break into your house this way, Parson, and we 
wouldn't have done it, but we've been waiting outside for Mr. 
Holliday for five minutes, and some of the men have got to be back at 
their posts at one o'clock, so we took a chance and come in. 

HOLDEN 
This is an outrage ! 

CHIEF 
Well, we went to the hotel and couldn't find him there, so we 
made up our minds we were going to find him; didn't we, boys? 

POLICEMEN 
Yep! 

CHIEF 
( To H olden.) 

It won't take us a minute and then it'll be all over. 
{To Holliday.) 

They all know it; everyone of them. We learned it together this 
morning. 

HOLLIDAY 
Learned what? 

CHIEF 
" The Star Spangled Banner." Will you listen to us sing it? 
( One cheer offstage L . ) 
(All laugh.) 

HOLLIDAY 

Not right now. I've got to go out and earn ten thousand dollars. 
I'll be back in a minute. 

( Turns R. to Jayson.) 

Call up Weymouth and tell them I'll be there tomorrow night with 
bells on. 

{Itirns upstage toward Policemen.) 

Go to it, boys. Sing your heads off. 

{To Hendricks.) 

Come on, Hendricks. 

{Grabs Hendrick's arm and goes upstage to L. door.) 

{After business they exit L.) 



86 HIT-THE-TRAIL HOLXIDAY 

( The Chief and Cops start singing ' ' The Star Spangled Banner. ' ' ) 
(Jayson sits at table R. phoning.) 

{As Cops sing, the crowd offstage L. cheer until curtain is dozvn. ) 
(Edith crosses stage, jumps up on window seat between Holden 
and Mrs. Temple and looks out of window. 

JAYSON 

{Seated L. of R. table phoning.) 

Hello !.... Give me Weymouth .... I want to talk to the Y. M. 
C. A. 

{Ad. lib.) 

CURTAIN 



HIT-THK-TRAIL HOLXIDAY 87 

Hit - the - Trail Holliday 

ACT III. 

SCENE: J ayson's private office in the American House. 

At rise of curtain, Edith is discovered dozvnstage left, working on 
typewriter . 

JAYSON 

{Enters from R., takes off his hat, hangs it upstage R., comes down 
to below C. desk, mopping his face zvith his handkerchief, arranges things 
on desk, then turns to Edith.) 

How are you getting on, Edith? 

EDITH 

( Turns to him. ) 

All right, Mr. Jayson ; I'll be finished very soon now. 

JAYSON 

{As he looks at his watch.) 

You've been at that quite a while now; it must be a pretty long 
speech ? 

EDITH 

It is; over 3,000 words. He was up all night writing it, he said. 
It's perfectly wonderful, though. Just listen to this. 

{Reads from speech she is copying.) 

" Intoxication produces incapacity, poverty, misery, imbecility, 
disease, delirium, insanity and death. The medical officer of the 
Prison Service calculates that alcoholic intoxication is answerable for 
over sixty per cent, of indictable crimes of violence." 

JAYSON 
Did he write all that himself? 

EDITH 
Every word of it. 

{Rises with copy of speech and goes to L. 0/ Jayson.) 
Here's his copy in his own handwriting. Did you know that the 
children of alcoholics suffer in mind and body for the sins of their 
parents? That they are born weak and defective, and that over thirty 
per cent, of them die before the age of twenty -one? 



88 HIT-THE-TRAIL HOLIDAY 

JAYSON 

Well, no; to tell you the truth, I didn't. 

EDITH 
Well, it's so ; he has it all here. Why, I had no idea of the amount 
of alcohol consumed in this country. He gives facts and figures. It's 
all perfectly astounding ! 

JAYSON 
I didn't know he was so well informed. Do you suppose it's all 
true? 

EDITH 
Why, of course it's true. 
{Picks tip book from desk.) 
He got it all out of this encyclopedia. 

JAYSON 
The encyclopedia? Oh, I see! 
( Turns R. ) 

EDITH 

{As she goes to her desk L. ) 

This will certainly make the people of Weymouth sit up and take 
notice. 

( Resumes work on typewriter . ) 

JAYSON 

{As he goes to water cooler R. for glass of water. ) 
He's a mighty smart young man. The seven bartenders that went 
on a strike yesterday are all workiug again, thanks to him. 
( Comes to R. C. on last line. ) 

EDITH 
( Turns to Jayson. ) 
Oh, they went back, did they? 

JAYSON 

Not back to the saloons? No. Mr. Holliday got them jobs at the 
different soda fountains around town. That's what's he's been doing 
all morning. He landed the last one about ten minutes ago in Dave 
Whitely's drug store. 

{Drinks the water and takes glass back to cooler.) 



HIT-THE-TRAIE HOELJDAY 89 

EDITH 

{Laughs.) 

Bartenders at the soda fountain? 

JAYSON 
(As he goes up R. of desk.) 

Yes, and you ought to see the crowds drinking it. They'll sell 
more soda to-day than they have in the last year. 
{Sits above C. desk.) 

EDITH 
Where did you leave Mr. Holliday? 

JAYSON 

He went down to the depot. Said he expected some people in on 
the 3:25. 

PETE 

{Enters from R. with a pile of letters, and comes to R. of desk. ) 
Where'll I put these? 

JAYSON 

What is it, Pete? 

PETE 
More mail for Mr. Holliday. 

JAYSON 
Lord, if it keeps on he'll need half a dozen secretaries. Dump it 
right there, Pete. 

(Points to R. side of desk. ) 

PETE 

(As he dumps mail on desk and starts R. ) 

I guess this is the busiest day the post office in this town ever 
had. 

(Exits R.) 

JAYSON 

(Rises and starts L. The phone on desk rings. He goes to desk and 
picks up phone.) 

Hello ! Mr. Jayson Yes Oh, hello, Felix 

(Holliday enters from R. with hat and coat boxes. He crosses 
upstage above desk, comes down to R. of Edith and peers anxiously over 
her shoulder at speech she is copying. ) 



90 HIT-THE-TRAIL HOLLIDAY 

(Jayson continues in phone.) 

I'll tell Mr. Holliday Yes, thanks Good-bye. 

{Rises and goes to R. of Holliday, zvho turns to him.) 

The railroad people have just phoned that they're running three 
excursion trains to Weymouth; six, six-thirty and seven o'clock. 
They're putting a special car on the last one for you and your guests. 

(Edith has turned toward Jayson at beginning of this speech. At 
its conclusion she smiles and resumes her work. ) 

HOLLIDAY 
I hope they have a doctor and a trained nurse aboard. I'm be- 
ginning to get stage fright already. 
(Starts upstage L.) 

It's a shame to muss up your private office this way, Mr. Jayson. 
[Puts the two boxes on table up L.; also hat he is wearing.) 

JAYSON 
That's all right ; only too glad to have you use it. 

{Goes upstage R., changes to alpaca office coat, then comes down to 
above C. desk.) 

HOLLIDAY 

(As hs comes down to R. of Edith.) 
How are you getting on, Miss Holden? 

EDITH 
Almost finished. I'm down to where you analyze the brewing 
material now. 

HOLLIDAY 
The what? 

EDITH 

(Picks up copy of speech, turns front and reads.) 
Where you tell about the sodium chloride, the potassium sul- 
phate, the magnesium carbonate, and so on. Don't you remember? 

HOLLIDAY 
Oh, yes. 

(Crosses to above desk, L. of Jayson.) 

Say, isn't there some way to call this thing off? I'll never be 
able to go through with it — I'm too nervous. 

JAYSON 
Why, Edith says it's a wonderful speech, 



HIT-THE-TRALL HOLLIDAY 91 

EDITH 
It certainly is. 

HOLLIDAY 

I know; but I can't learn this thing between now and eight 
o'clock; and even if I did I could never pronounce those words— 
never in a million years. 

JAYSON 

Why, you'll disappoint a thousand people if you don't speak. 

HOLLIDAY 

Well, I'll disappoint them if I do speak, so what's the difference. 
{Comes down to L. of desk; Jayson goes down R.) 

EDITH 

Don't be silly, Mr. Holliday. You'll be nothing short of a 
sensation. 

(Rises and goes to L. of /rim.) 

Just you wait till you tell them what the annual consumption of 
beer is in this country. Why, there isn't one person in a hundred 
that knows anything about it. 

HOLLJDAY 
Don't you think so? 

EDITH 
Why, of course not. 

JAYSON 
She's right; I don't know myself. How much was it? 

EDITH 
(To Holliday.) 
Go on and tell him, just for the fun of the thing. 

HOLLIDAY 

(To Jayson.) 

Don't you really know? 

JAYSON 
Haven't the slightest idea. 



92 HIT-THE-TRAIL HOLLIDAY 

HOLIDAY 
Then I'll surprise you. 
{Strikes a pose in front of C. desk. ) 

During the year 1912 

(Edith turns to her desk and glances at speech.) 

the people of the United States and Canada consumed 

{Turns to Edith.) 
How much was it? 

EDITH 
Twenty-eight million, five hundred and fifty thousand, six hun- 
dred and sixty-two. 

HOLXIDAY 



Glasses of beer. 
Barrels of beer. 
What did I say? 
You said glasses. 



EDITH 

HOLLIDAY 

EDITH 



HOLXIDAY 
I meant barrels — barrels of beer. What do you think of that ! 
You can figure for yourself how many glasses that is. 

JAYSON 

Gracious, it sounds impossible! 

HOLXIDAY 

And that isn't counting what I drank myself. 
( To Edith, as she and Jayson laughs. ) 
Put that in the speech. 

EDITH 
Shall I? 

HOLXIDAY 

Certainly. 

( Starts upstage L ' ) 

I want to be sure of one laugh, anyway. 

(Edith goes to her desk; Jayson turns R.) 

(HOLLiDAY comes downstage again.) 

Did you ever hear what Lord Lonsdale said? 



HIT-THE-TRAIL HOLLIDAY 93 

JAYSON 

Who's he? 

HOLLIDAY 

I don't know, but did you ever hear what he said? 

JAYSON 
No. 

HOLLIDAY 

(To Edith.) 

Shall I tell what Lord Lonsdale said? 

EDITH 
Yes, go on. 

HOLUDAY 

(As he strikes a pose in front of C. desk. ) 

Speaking in the House of Lords as far back as 

( To Edith. ) 
When was it? 

EDITH 

(Looking at speech.) 
1743. 

HOLUDAY 

(To Jayson.) 

That's a long time ago. 

( Conti?iues quoting. ) 

"Lord Lonsdale said, as he shook his fingers at the city of 
London : 

(Holden enters from R. and comes down to R. of Holuday.) 

"in every part of this great metropolis, whoever shall pass along 
the streets will find 



(Turns to Edith.) 
Wretchedness. 



EDITH 



HOLUDAY 

stretched upon the pavement insensible and motionless, re- 
moved only by the charity of the 



( Turns R., sees Holden a?id grasps his hand.) 
How do you do, Mr. Holden? 



94 HIT-THE-TRAIL HOLLIDAY 

EDITH 
Hello, Daddy. 

JAYSON 
Glad to see vou, T. B. 

HOLDEN 

( To HOLLIDAY. ) 

Awfully sorry to interrupt. 

HOLLIDAY 
I'm glad you did ; I was stuck anyway. 
( Goes up L. of desk to above it and sits. ) 

JAYSON 
Mr. Holliday was just running through part of his new speech 
for Weymouth tonight. 

( Turns R. to filing cabinet. ) 

HOLDEN 
Oh, I'll be there to hear it. 
(Crosses to Edith at desk.) 

I dropped in to tell you, Edith, that I have tickets on the seven 
o'clock excursion. 

EDITH 

Oh. I'm so glad ! 

JAYSON 

The railroad's provided a special car for Mr. Holliday and his 
guests. 

HOLLIDAY 
The only guest I'll have will be a bottle of smelling salts, unless 
you folks are good enough to join me. 

HOLDEN 
Oh, you're far too kind. There'll be an enormous crowd, I 
dare say. 

JAYSON 
Over 300 going from here alone. The Y. M. C. A. brass band is 
going to meet him at the depot and escort him to the hall. 
( Turns to filing cabinet ond looks for letter. ) 



HlT-THE-TRAIL HOLIDAY 95 

HOLLIDAY 
I'll bet they play Tipperary. 

HOLDEN 
That's splendid! 
(As he goes to L. of Holliday.) 

I wish to congratulate you on the clever way in which you se- 
cured employment for the striking barkeepers. 

HOLLIDAY 

Well, it was my fault they were thrown out of work, so it was up 
to me to get them other jobs. 

HOLDEN 

[Laughs. ) 

Selling soda ! Very happy thought. 

[Sits L. of desk.) 

But what really brings me here is to see you about this arrange- 
ment you made at the Johnsburg bank this morning. I can't allow 
such a thing. 

Jayson takes letter from cabinet, puts it in his pocket, and turns 
toward Holden and Holliday. ) 

HOLLIDAY 

I'd rather not discuss it, Mr. Holden. That's how I feel about 
it, and I won't have it any other way. 

HOLDEN 

But I couldn't think of accepting it. 

(To Jayson and Edith, as he rises.) 

Do you know what he's done? Deposited a check for ten thous- 
and dollars in a special account to create a building fund for a new 
church. 

EDITH 

(Rises.) 

What! 

HOLDEN 
( Turns to Holliday.) 

It's a very fine thought, and very generous on your part, my 
son, but 



96 HIT-THE-TRAIL HOLLIDAY 

HOLLIDAY 

(Rises and comes to L. of desk. ) 

Let me tell you something, Mr. Holden. What happened to me 
in this town night before last was purely accidental, and if there's any 
benefit to be derived from the accident, the town's entitled to it and 
not me. That's the check I got from the moving picture people yes- 
terday, and I made up my mind last night that I hadn't any more right 
to it than I'd have to break into Johnsburg and rob the town treasury. 
I finally concluded to put it to good use, and while I was in church 
this morning 

JAYSON 
Eh! 

HOLLIDAY 

Yes, I was in church this morning — the first time in six years. I 
went there to pray — to pray that I'd get through with this speech to- 
night without dying of nervous prostration. 

(Edith sits at typewriter. ) 

Well, that's where I got the idea. That's when I discovered that 
what this town needed most was a new church, so I went directly to 
the bank and made the arrangement you're talking about. You might 
as well accept it, because if you don't I'll turn it over to the public 
school, or the hospital, or some other local institution. 

(Starts for desk, then turns to Holden.) 

And I don't want you to think I'm posing as a philanthropist, 
because I'm not. That's the way I feel about it and that's the way 
it's got to be. 

(Sits above desk.) 

HOLDEN 
Well, I can't think of anything to say. 

HOLLIDAY 

That's the way I'll be when I get up on that platform tonight. 
Oh, it'll be terrible! 

( To Hodden, as he comes down to L. of desk. ) 

Do you know how many barrels of beer were consumed in the 
United States and Canada during the year of 1912? 

HOLDEN 
No. 



HIT-THE-TRAIL HOLUDAY 97 

HOLLIDAY 

Oh — it was an awful amount ! 
{To Edith.) 
How much was it? 

EDITH 

Twenty-eight million, five hundred and fifty thousand, six 
hundred and sixty-two. 

HOLLIDAY 

{To HOLDENj 

What do you think of that ! 

HOLDEN 
It doesn't seem possible! 

JAYSON 
No, it doesn't; does it? 

HOLLIDAY 
Well, it doesn't to me, either. 

{To Edith, as he picks up book from desk and goes to her.) 
You know, this thing might be wrong. 
(Holden drops down to R. of Hottiday. ) 

EDITH 
{Rises.) 

The Encyclopaedia? Nonsense! It contains nothing but facts, 
statistics. Isn't that so, daddy? 

HOLDEN 
The Encyclopaedia? Yes, it's an authority on all branches of 
learning. 

HOLLIDAY 

Is it? 

HOLDEN 
Why, of course. 

HOLLIDAY 
Oh, it's a corking book, all right. 
{Starts up L.) 

I'm going to get a copy and read the whole thing. 
{Goes to above desk; Holden goes tip to L. of him.) 



98 HIT-THE-TRAIL HOLIDAY 

PETE 
{Enters from R. and comes to R. of desk.) 
Four gentlemen from Philadelphia to see Mr. Holliday. 

HOLLIDAY 
Four gentlemen from Philadelphia? Great Scott, thepeople that 
phoned me yesterday ! 

EDITH 
The committee of churchmen. 

HOLDEN 
How remarkable ! 

JAYSON 
Tell them to come right in, Pete. 

PETE 
Yes, sir. 
{Starts R.) 

HOLLIDAY 
No, wait a minute. 
(Pete stops.) 

I can't talk to them. I've got too much on my mind. 
(Turns up C, running his hands through his hair.) 
I've got to get rid of them somehow. 

HOLDEN 
But you are going to Philadelphia for a lecture? 

HOLLIDAY 
( Comes down to above desk. ) 
I wouldn't go to Philadelphia for anything unless I had to. 

PETE 
What '11 I tell them? 

HOLLIDAY 
Tell them to wait. 

PETE 
Yes, sir. 
(Exits R.) 



HIT-THE-TRAIL HOLLIDAY 99 

HOLDEN 
Perhaps I can be of assistance by entertaining these gentlemen 
until you are at liberty to talk with them. 

HOLIDAY 
(In relief.) 

Will you do that, please? 
{Grasps Hodden's hand.) 

HOLDEN 
With a great deal of pleasure. 

HOLLIDAY 
You explain to them, will you? Tell them I'm not a regular lec- 
turer Tell them the whole thing's a joke. 

HODDEN 
I'll bring them with me to Weymouth tonight and let them judge 
of that for themselves. 

( Goes above desk toward R. , Holiday following. ) 

HOLLIDAY 
That's a good idea; that'll cure them sure. 

HOLDEN 

{Starts for R. door, then comes to R. of Hoeeiday.) 

But I must speak with you further about this bank matter. 

{ Edith sits at her machine and resumes work. ) 

HOLLIDAY 

Yes, but not now — some other time, please — I'm too busy. I've 
got a speech to learn. Eook at this mail — not a bit of it opened. Get 
rid of that Quaker City Quartette for me and I'll never forget you as 
long as I live. 

(Sits above desk.) 

HOLDEN 
Don't worry; I'll take them in charge. 
(Starts for R. door as Jed enters.) 

HOLLIDAY 
Thanks, a thousand times. 
(Hoeden exits R.) 



100 HIT-THE-TRAIL HOLLIDAY 

JED 

( Comes down to R. of desk. ) 

They want a dozen cases of Nearly Beer at Jones's and six at 
Willoughby's right away. 

JAYSON 

Good heavens what's happened? 

HOLLIDAY 
Oh, I forgot to tell you. I've got all the bartenders boosting 
Nearly Beer at the soda fountains. 

JAYSON 
i (As he goes up R.) 

Gosh, that's the biggest demand I ever had. 

( Turns to Jed.) 

Got your wagon here, Jed? 

JED 
Right outside waiting for the load. 

JAYSON 

Come on, I'll fill that order in a jiffy. 
(Exits R. ) 

JED 

(Goes up to R. of Holliday with extended hand.) 
Put it there, young fellow. 

(Shakes hands with him. Edith turns and looks at them.) 
I hit the trail, all right. Haven't tasted a drop of liquor since you 
spoke the other night. 

( Takes flask from his hip pocket.) 

There's my flask; I'll never carry it again. 

(Puts it on desk in front of Hoixiday.) 

HOLLIDAY 

( Turns and smiles at Edith, then to Jed.) 
Oh, then you were impressed by what I said ? 

JED 
No, but I was by what my wife said. She threatens to murder 
me if I ever take another drop as long as I live. You catch the women 
all right. My wife thinks you're a Cutey. She cut your picture out 
of the paper and has it hanging up in the kitchen. 



HIT-THE-TRAIL HOLLIDAY 101 

HOLLIDAY 

(Laughs.) 

Well, I'd like to meet your wife. 

JED 

I wish to God you'd met her before I did. 
[Starts R.) 
Over the river. 
{Exits R.) 

HOLLIDAY 

Good-bye. 

( To Edith. ) 

He's a funny old fellow. 

( Puts flask in desk drawer. ) 

EDITH 

There's a lot a funny old fellows in this town. 
{Resumes work.) 

HOLLIDAY 

{Picks up a pile of letters and reads inscriptions.) 

Letters from shirt makers, boot makers, hat makers, haberdashers, 
tailors, cigar manufacturers, theatrical managers, song writers, play- 
wrights, book publishers, newspaper editors, magazine owners, patent 
medicine men, con. men. — Phew! — and every one of them with an 
advertising scheme to use the name of Billy Holliday in connection 
with this, that, or some other million dollar proposition about to be 
placed on the market. 

{Has opened a letter and found check.) 

What do you think of this ! A check for five thousaud dollars. 

EDITH 

What! 

{Rises, picks up typewritten speech and goes to L. of desk.) 

HOLLIDAY 

Yes, from the National Magazine, in payment for that story I sent 
them by telegraph yesterday afternoon, 

EDITH 
It seems almost too good to be true, doesn't it? 



102 HIT-THE-TRAIL HOLLIDAY 

HOLLIDAY 

You know, I still expect a colored porter to come and tell me that 
we'll be in in ten or fifteen minutes, and I'll roll right out of this lower 
berth. 

EDITH 
Oh, it's no dream, Mr. Holliday ; it's all real. And after you've 
delivered this speech in Weymouth to-night you'll wake up to the fact 
that you're a pretty big man. Why, this is the greatest thing I ever 
read in my life. 

HOLLIDAY 
How can you say that? You know, it's just the dope that you 
helped me dig up from that big book. 

EDITH 
Yes, but it's the way you've strung it together and the funny jokes 
you've mixed in with the facts. And then, of course, I have in mind 
that wonderful delivery of yours. 

HOLLIDAY 
Listen ; whether you mean it or not, keep talking like that, will 
you? It makes me feel great. 
{Looks at copy of speech. ) 
Is it all finished? 



EDITH 



It's all there. 
{Lays it on desk.) 



HOLLIDAY 
I'll never learn half of it. 

EDITH 
You don't have to learn it. Keep it in front of you. 
( Goes L. to her desk. ) 
Read it, if necessary; all the big speakers do that. 

HOLLIDAY 
Every time you talk you make it easier for me. 
{Rises and goes down to above her chair.) 

You know, if I thought it wouldn't sound mushy, I'd say some- 
thing awfully nice to you. 



HIT-THE- TRAIL HOLLIDAY 103 

EDITH 
I wish I could think of something awfully nice to say to you for 
all your kindness to my father. 

HOLLIDAY 

Now, please! 

( Goes C. , poring over speech. ) 

EDITH 

{Following him . ) 

It was so fine of you — so unselfish. No one but a great big man 
could ever have thought of such a thing. 

HOLLIDAY 

{Reading from speech. ) 

"The only other time I ever spoke before the Y. M. C. A. was 
to complain about the shower bath in the gymnasium. " 
{To Edith.) 
I wonder if I'll get a laugh on that? 

EDITH 
Won't you please listen to what I'm saying? 

HOLLIDAY 

(As telephone rings.) 

Pardon me just a moment. 

(Goes to below desk and picks up phone.) 

Hello! Yes, who is it? Oh, I see! Hold the wire a 

second and I'll put the manager on. 

(To Edith, as he muffles the phone.) 
Talk about quick action ! 

EDITH 
What is it? 

JAYSON 
(Enters from R. and comes down to R. of Holiday.) 
Say, did you put two girls to work in the barber shop, and send 

a chef out to the kitchen, and tell another fellow to take charge of the 

dining room? 

HOLLIDAY 
Oh, yes, I forgot to tell you. They came to work at the new 
hotel, but I met them at the depot and arranged with them to come 
here under your management, 



104 HIT-THE-TRAIL HOUJDAY 

JAYSON 

Why, I don't understand. 

HOUJDAY 

Well, Granger tried to disorganize your staff — now we're going to 
get even and disorganize his. 

JAYSON 
But I can't afford such a thing. Why ! 

HOUJDAY 
Here, you're wanted on the phone. 
{Hands Jayson the t>hone and goes to above desk and sits.) 

JAYSON 

Eh? 

( Takes phone and sits R. of desk. ) 

Hello! Yes What? Who? Yes, I understand. 

How many ? Two hundred and fifty ! Are you serious ? . . . . 

Why, yes, but I can't fill such an order You must have it ? 

Well, I'll do the best I can Very well, good-bye. 

{Puts phone on table.) 

Cobb, Bates and Yerkser, of Boston, want 250 cases of Nearly 
Beer as quick as they can get it. 

EDITH 
What! 

HOUJDAY 
Oh, yes, I forgot to tell you. I ran a little ad. in the Boston 
papers this morning. Here it is ; see how you like it. 
{Picks up paper from desk and hands it to Jayson.) 

JAYSON 

{lakes paper, rises, and goes dozvn R. reading ad., followed by 
Edith. ) 

"Nearly Beer, cool and refreshing. Billy Holliday's favorite 
drink." 

EDITH 
Isn't that perfectly great! 
( Takes the paper and goes L. ) 



HIT-THE-TRAIL HOLLIDAY 105 

HOLLIDAY 

1 just wanted to see how it would work. That's a pretty good 
order, isn't it? 

JAYSON 

2 50 cases? Why, it will take me a week to fill the order. 

HOLUDAY 

Well, you'd better work fast, because I'm running the same ad. in 
the . New York papers tomorrow ; and if this Boston demand is any 
criterion, you'll be a busy little fellow for the next few days. 

{Rises and goes down to L. of Jayson.) 

By the way, where do you make the stuff? 

JAYSON 
Nearly Beer? Down in the cellar. 

HOLUDAY 
That'll never do. If the people start buying you've got to have 
more room. Isn't there some old shop — some old factory near by that's 
big enough to convert into a temporary plant? 

JAYSON 
Not that I know of. 

EDITH 

( As she comes C. ) 

There's the old bottling works on West Hoover Street. 

HOLLIDAY 
Bottling works? Who owns it? 

JAYSON 
Burnhara, the coal dealer. He's right here in town. 

HOLLIDAY 
Well, go and find him ; give him a talk. Try to grab it. 
( Turns C. ) 
Bottling works ! Just the thing ! 

JAYSON 

But that'll take money, 



106 HIT-THE-TRAID HOLXIDAY 

HOLXIDAY 

Oh, that's easy. 

{Picks up chick, goes above desk and endorses it. ) 

Here's a cheek for five thousand dollars. It's payable to me; I'll 
make it payable to you; you make it payable to him. 

{Blots check and comes doivn to L. of JaysON.) 

Make the best deal you can with him and hurry back and let me 
know what it is. 

{Holds check out to J ayson .) 

JAYSON 
{Refusing the check.) 
Why, I couldn't do anything like that. 

HOLLIDAY 
Certainly you can. You can pay me back. 



JAYSON 



No, I couldn't. 



HOLLIDAY 
You want me to make this speech in Weymouth tonight, don't 
you? 

JAYSON 
Why, of course. 

HOUJDAY 
Then go on and do as I tell you or I'll pack up and take the first 
train back to New York. 

{Forces check into Jayson's hand and sits above desk.) 

JAYSON 

{As he goes zipstage R. of desk.) 

I'm dumbfounded. I don't know how to answer. 

HOLLIDAY 

Look what I've got to answer — a million letters. Go on, get that 
bottling works. 

JAYSON 
Yes, sir. 

{Gets his hat up R., then comes down to R. of desk.) 
And shall I keep these people you've put to work? 



HIT-THE-TRAIL HOLLIDAY 107 

HOLLTDAY 
Certainly. The only way to fight Granger is with his own 
weapons. 

PETE 
{Enters from R.) 
A telegram for you, Mr. Jayson. 
{Hands it to Jayson.) 

JAYSON 

{Hands telegram to Hoixiday. ) 

Open it, will you? I'm so nervous I'm shivering like a leaf. 

( Holuday opens wire. ) 

PETE 
Those are certainly two swell manicure girls down in the barber 
shop. There's over twenty fellows in there waiting to get shaved. 
{Exits R.) 

HOLLIDAY 
See? Business is booming already. 
{Reads telegram. ) 

" Express immediately 200 cases Billy Holliday's favorite drink. 
Wheeling and Webster, Wholesale Grocers, Providence, R. I." 

EDITH 

200— that's 450 cases. 

JAYSON 
That's the first order I ever got from Providence 

HOLUDAY / 

It's the first time Providence ever ordered anything. 

EDITH 

{Starts R. , passing above desk. ) 

I'm going to see what those manicure girls look like. 

{Exits R.) 

HOLLIDAY 

( To Jayson, as he rises. ) 

You'll have to put on high speed to supply this demand. Go on 
get that bottling works. 
{Starts L. ) 
{Goes to L. table, opens box and puts on his frock coat.) 



108 HIT-THE-TRAIL HOLUDAY 

JAYSON 
Lord, I'm so excited I don't know what I'm doing. 
(Starts R. and meets Granger entering. ) 

GRANGER 
I want to see you, Jayson. 

JAYSON 
Not now. I can't wait. You'll have to make it later. I'm in an 
awful hurry. 
{Exits R. ) 
(Granger comes to R. of desk and watches Holliday.) 

HOLUDAY 

{After changing to frock coat he comes down to L. of desk , props 
speech in front of him, strikes a pose a?id declaims. ) 

" And that which is supposedly the most harmless of all the alco- 
holic concoctions is the deadliest poison a man can possibly put to his 
lips. I refer to that filthy intoxicating beverage commonly known as 
beer. 

GRANGER 

Are you going to make that speech in Weymouth tonight? 

HOLLIDAY 
Sure ; are you coming over to hear me ? 

GRANGER 
I don't think you're realizing the harm you're doing, Holliday. 
You've talked these fool people into taking a stand against the indus- 
try that supports the town, and the town of Weymouth, too. Over 
900 men are emplo3 r ed in the two plants and they all have families to 
support. Now it's in my power to close the doors of both these 
breweries and throw these men out of work. If this happens there'll 
be the damndest, free-for-all fight ever known in the history of New 
England. I'm putting it up to 3 t ou cold now, young fellow. What 
are you going to do? Preach them out of their jobs, or go about your 
business and leave the town the way you found it? 

HOLLIDAY 
Well, I couldn't leave it much worse than I found it; a commun- 
ity scared to death and shaking in its boots at a big, blustering, bull- 
dozing, tin-horn millionaire that makes the rules and regulations by 
which the people all live and breathe, and talks loud and pounds the 



HIT-THE-TRAIL HOLLIDAY 109 

table and frightens children, and runs things in general to suit his 
own whims and conveniences; and allows his nasty -tempered, irri- 
tating, cowardly offspring to go about insulting everyone who doesn't 
happen to bow down and make way and sing, "Here comes the 
King " everytime he approaches. That's the way I found this town, 
Mr. Granger. People turning pale and trembling at sight of you and 
your son. That's why I took the stand for Mr. Jaysonthe other day; 
because a kind, timid old gentleman, was getting a raw deal from a 
brow-beating loafer, and I didn't intend to let you get away with it. 
That's why I went to the front for those poor devils at Johnsburg 
Hall the same night; because you tried to give them the worst of it, 
and I just naturally made up my mind that 3 r ou wouldn't. You forced 
me to lead that parade. You forced me up on that platform, and the 
result is that a well known New York bartender making a speech in 
favor of temperance under the auspices of the Prohibition party was 
novelty enough for the Associated Press to shoot the story from one 
end of the country to the other and put me in a class with Bryan, 
Roosevelt and the Kaiser — so you see you brought the whole thing 
on yourself. It's your fault that this speech is written. It's your 
fault that I'm going to make it. It's your fault that this town is in 
the condition it is today, so don't blame me because it's all your own 
fault. 

( Walks toward L., then zvhirls on Grangkr.) 

And I want to tell 3^ou something else. Now that I've been able 
to get that off my chest, I'm satisfied that I'm a regular speech-maker 
and I just made up my mind that I'm never going to tend bar again 
as long as I live. 

( Walks tip and down L. studying speech.) 

DEAN 

{Enters horn R. and comes to above Granger.) 

Say, Governor, do you know what this fellow's done. He's 
stolen all our help that we brought on from New York. He's got 
them all working here in this hotel. 

GRANGER 
How do you know? 

DEAN 

I just found out. The manicures, the chef, and the head waiter 
all started in here an hour ago. 

GRANGER 

Are you sure? 



110 HIT-THE-TRAIL HOLLIDAY 

DEAN 
Certainly. I just gave those two women down in the barber shop 
a piece of my mind. It told them what I thought of them, all right. 

HOIXIDAY 
If I catch you in that barber shop again I'll spank you with a 
razor strop. 

( Walks up and down L. ) 

GRANGER 
{Crosses downstage to R. of Hoeeiday. ) 
Say, what are you trying to do? 

HOLLIDAY 
I'm trying to learn this speech. I'm very busy. If I wasn't, I'd 
take Dare Devil Dick there and manicure one of his eyes. 

GRANGER 

{As he goes up L. of desk to Dean over R.) 
If you're a son of mine go and smash him. 

HOLXIDAY 
{As he goes to L. of desk and lays copy of speech on it.) 
If he was a son of mine I'd smash him, all right. 
{Starts muttering inaudibly and making extravagant gestures as if 
delivering a speech . ) 

DEAN 
{As he watches Hoeliday.) 

Do you think I want any trouble with a crazy man? Look at him ! 
(Granger turns and looks at Hoeeiday.) 
He's a lunatic, I tell you. 

GRANGER 

( Turns to Hoeliday. ) 

Mr. Holliday, for the last time I warn you that I m~an business. 
I'll close the doors of those breweries unless you agre^ to cut out 
this crusade. 

(Hoeeiday sits above desk.) 

If those people are thrown out of work on your account your life 
won't be worth a nickel, because I'm going to tell them point blank 
that they can't come back to work until they drive you out of town. 
Well, have you got anything to say? 



HIT-THE-TRAIL HOLLIDAY 111 

HOLLIDAY 

Sure; over 3,000 words, if you'll give me a chance to learn them. 

{Pores over speech.} 

(Dean turns toward R. lozver door.) 

GRANGER 

Remember, you're taking your life in your hands. You don't 
know what brewery people are. 

( Turns R. toward upper door. ) 

DEAN 

You don't know what breweries mean. 

HOLLIDAY 

Yes, I do; twenty-eight million, five hundred and fifty thousand, 
six hundred and sixty-two. 

GRANGER AND DEAN 
{In unison.) 
Oh, go to hell! 
{Both exit R.) 

HOLLIDAY 

{Picks up phone as it rings.) 

Hello! Who? Hartford, Conn? All right, put 

them on Hello !..... .No, this is Mr. Jayson's secretary speak- 
ing Oh, yes, how are you, Mr. Hueblein? No, it's not for 

sale Not since Billy Holliday endorsed it What? The 

state rights? 

(Mrs. Temple enters from R. and stands in doorway.) 

The Connecticut agency? Yes, I think so. What's your 

proposition, and I'll put it up to Mr. Javson Guarantee 3,000 

cases a month? Well, some people in New Haven are after it. I 

think if you make it 5,000 cases you'll get it Well, we'll hold it 

open till six o'clock. 

(Mrs. Temple comes down to R. of desk. 

All right, wire us Good-bye. 

{Rises and makes notes on pad.) 

Mrs. Temple! 

MRS. TEMPLE 
Mr, Holliday. I heard you were in here. Am I intruding? 



112 H1T-THE TRAIL HOLLIDAY 

HOLLIDAY 

Not at all. I'm just taking orders over the phone for Nearly 
Beer; it's selling like wildfire. 

MRS. TEMPLE 
It's impossible to get near a soda fountain in town. The striking 
bartenders have caused a great how-do-you-do. 

HOLLIDAY 

So I understand. 

' MRS. TEMPLE 

(As she crosses above desk to L. of it. ) 

I just came from the Holdens. I met the committee of church 
men from Philadelphia — delightful men. 

(Sits L. of desk.) 

Their idea is to build a temporary tabernacle that will seat about 
ten thousand people and bring you over there for a series of lectures. 

(Hoixiday drops into seat above desk.) 

The} 7 all agree that the very simplicity of your speech the other 
night was what made it so impressive, and that it was, without doubt, 
one of the greatest sermons ever preached. 



Did they say that? 
Really. 



HOLLIDAY 

MRS. TEMPLE 
HOLLIDAY 



Tabernacle ! 

(Pauses a moment, perplexed, then grabs the Encyclopedia on desk 
and starts looking up the zvord. ) 

MRS. TEMPLE 
Yes. Oh, they're very enthusiastic over the idea, and they seem 
so pleased at the opportunity of hearing you tonight in We3^mouth. 

EDITH 
(Enters from R.) 
Hello. Mrs. Temple. 
( Goes to J?, of desk. ) 

MRS. TEMPLE 
Hello, Edith. 
(Rises.) 



HIT-THE-TRAIL HOLLIDAY 113 

EDITH 

(As she hands Hoeuday a telegram. ) . 

Another telegram just came for you. 

(As she comes down R. to below desk. ) 

You ought to see the crowd in the barber shop? 

HOLLIDAY 
{Opens wire as he comes downstage R. C.) 
Were you down there when young Granger was in? 

EDITH 
Yes. 

HOLLIDAY 
What did he say to those manicure girls? 

EDITH 

Nothing; he just walked in and walked out. He didn't say a 
word. Why? 

HOLLIDAY 
(Laughs as he turns up R.) 
Nothing; I just wanted to know. 
(Edith turns L. to Mrs. Temple.) 

MRS. TEMPLE 
( To Edith. ) 
New manicures? 

EDITH 

Yes, awfully nice girls. I just met them. 

MRS. TEMPLE 
Your father told me of the Church Fund Mr. Holliday has 
started. 

EDITH 
Isn't he wonderful? 

MRS. TEMPLE 
I'm in love with him. 

EDITH 
What! 



114 HIT-THE-TRAIL, HOIXIDAY 

MRS. TEMPLE 
{Laughs.) 
You're jealous. / 

EDITH 
Why, Mrs. Temple ! 

HOLLIDAY 
Listen to this. 

( Goes to women with open wire and reads. ) 

" Have sold over 200,000 copies of Star Spangled Banner during 
the last forty -eight hours. Will be glad to pay you two cents a copy 
providing you boost Yankee Doodle Dandy and My Country 'Tis of 
Thee. M. Witmark and Sons, Music Publishers." Can you beat 
that! 

{Ail laugh.) 

JED 
{Enters from R. and comes down R.) 
Where's Mr. Jayson? 

HOLLIDAY 
What do you want? 

JED 
Six cases of Nearly Beer for Whitely's drugstore. 

HOLLIDAY 
Go down in the cellar and get it. 

JED 
Right ! 

{Turns and salutes Mrs. Temple.) 
Hello, Mrs. Temple. 

MRS. TEMPLE 
Hello, Jed; how's j'our wife? 

JED 
Perfect health. The only luck I have is playing checkers. 
( Turns up to Hoeeiday. ) 

You'd do a damn sight more good going around advising young 
men to stay single instead of staying sober. 
( Turns to R. door. ) 
Over the river ! 
{Exists R.) 



HIT-THK-TRAIL HOLLIDAY 115 

PETE 
{Enters from R. with pile of mail and dumps it on desk.) 
More mail for Mr. Holliday. 
{Exits R. ) 

HOLLIDAY 

( Goes to above desk and sits. ) 

Great Scott, I'll never learn this speech! 

MRS. TEMPLE 
Well, I'll run along. 
{Starts R., passing above desk.) 
See you in Weymouth tonight. Goodbye, folks. 
{Exits R. ) 

HOLLIDAY AND EDITH 
Goodbye ! 
( Telephone rings. ) 

HOLLIDAY 
Oh, for heaven's sake! 
{Rises, and walks tip and down L.) 

EDITH 

I'll see who it is. 

( Goes to R. of desk and picks up phone. ) 

Hello ! .... Well, who is it wishes to speak to him? Just a 

moment, please. 

{To Holliday, as she muffles the phone.) 

The president of the Church- Goers Society of Paterson, N. J., 
wants to talk to you. 

HOLLIDAY 

Paterson? Tell him I'm dead. 

EDITH 

He knows better than that; he's half sensible. 

HOLLIDAY 
Then tell him I'm half dead. 

EDITH 

{In phone.) 

Mr. Holliday's busy just now. Call later, please. . . .Goodbye. 

{As she puts phone down on desk.) 

What do you suppose he wants? 



116 HIT-THE-TRAIL. HOLLJDAY 

HOtLIDAY 

Probably wants to enquire how to get out of Paterson. 

EDITH 

(As she goes tip R. of desk.) 

Turn around, Mr. Holliday. 

(He turns and faces her. ) 

You know, you look just like a clergyman in that coat. 

HOUJDAY 

Is it as bad as that? I thought it fit me. 

EDITH 
It looks wonderful on you ; you should never wear anything else. 

HOUJDAY 
If I get away with this speech tonight I never will. 
(Edith laughs, sits above desk and opens letters.) 

JAYSON 
(Ettters from R. and crosses downstage to R. of Holuday.) 
It's all right, it's all right ; the whole thing's arranged. I've 
got it ! 

HOUJDAY 

What? 

JAYSON 
The bottling works — the whole shooting match, machinery and 
all. Fifteen hundred a year. We're to meet this afternoon at four 
o'clock and sign the agreement. 

HOUJDAY 

That's immense! 

JAYSON 
(Hands Holliday a telegram.) 
And look at this. Just got it as I came in the door. 

HOUJDAY 

(Reads. ) 

"Want 200 cases Nearly Beer at once. Enormous demand since 
Holliday's endorsement. Kelly Brothers, Wholesale, Worcester, 
Mass. 



HIT-THE-TRAIL HOLLIDAY 117 

JAYSON 
What do you think of that ! 

HOLUDAY 

Hueblein just telephoned from Hartford. He guarantees 3,000 
a month for the Connecticut state rights. 

JAYSON 
Billy — I'm going to call you Billy, now — - 
{Takes Holliday's hand in both of his.) 
this will make us both rich men. 



HOIXIDAY 

What! 

JAYSON 

Half of it's yours, my boy. It wouldn't be worth a nickel if it 
hadn't been for you. 

HOIXIDAY 
No, thanks, Mr. Jayson, I've got all I can do to attend to my own 
business without going into any other. 

JAYSON 
Bartending? 

HOIXIDAY 
No, sir, preaching! I'm through with saloons. They're build- 
ing tabernacles for me. 
( Turns upstage L . ) 

CHIEF 
(Enters hurriedly from R. and comes down R. C.) 
Where's Mr. Holliday? 
(Edith rises.) 

JAYSON 

What's the trouble, Chief? 

CHIEF 

All kinds of trouble. 

( To Holliday, who comes down to L. of Chief. ) 
You better take it on the run, young fellow. They're all coming 
this way and they're madder than blue blazes. 



118 HIT-THE-TRAIL HOLLIDAY 

HOLLIDAY 
Who do you mean? 

CHIEF 

The brewery crowd — the whole works. They shutdown five min- 
utes ago. Tbe men were all told that they're out of work till you're 
run out of town. They're on their way here now, about 300 strong, 
with fire in their eyes. You better scoot; I'm afraid you're in for it 
if you don't. They're a desperate lot, and they're meaner right now 
than I've ever seen them before. I ran around Dover Street and headed 
them off so's to warn you. 

EDITH 
{Comes down L. of desk to L. of Holuday, who is C.) 
Please hide, Mr. Holliday, please! 

JAYSON 

{To Chief.) 

How about the cellar? Do you think they'll find him there? 

CHIEF 
I'm afraid so. My advice is to sneak out the back way, hop in an 
automobile, and get out of town as quick as you can. 

{Goes up to R. window and looks otit; Jayson goes up L.) 

HOLLIDAY 
I'm not going to get out of town ; I'm going to stay right here. 

EDITH 
Please don't, Mr. Holliday ; I know that crowd. 

JAYSON 

Better not take a chance, Billy. 

HOLLIDAY 

{As he goes upstage R.) 

Do you think I'm going to let Granger get away with this? Not 
on your life. 

{Murmtcrs are heard offstage, which gradually grow in volume 
until the crowd enters.) 

CHIEF 

[As he starts R.) 

Vll see if I can stave them off till you find a place to hide. 



HIT-THE-TRAIL HOLLIDAY 119 

EDITH 



Do, Chief, please ! 
(Chief exits R.) 



JAYSON 



{Starts R.) 

I'll try to talk to them ; maybe they'll listen to me. 
{Exits R.) 

EDITH 

{UP to L. of HOLLIDAY. ) 

You're making a mistake staying here. 

HOLLIDAY 
{As he comes down to below C. desk.) 
I'd make a bigger mistake trying to run away. 

EDITH 

Maybe there's something I can do. There may be some one in 
the crowd I know. Lock yourself in, please, we'll do all we can to 
keep them out of here. 

{Exits R. ) 

( The murmur offstage grows louder. ) 

(Hoixiday goes over L., puts on his high hat, picks up his cane 
and gloves, and comes downstage L. as the Leader and Second Man 
enter from R. ) 

LEADER 

{Enters from R. with Second Man.) 

Here he is ! This is him ! 

{Goes to C. above desk.) 

SECOND MAN 
( Goes to door R. , opens it and calls. ) 
Come on in, boys, we've found him! 
( Comes downstage R. ) 

{About fifty men enter; not rushing, but walking in naturally and 
quietly. They form over near R. door, all eyeing HotLiDAY sullenly.) 

HOLLIDAY 

{Downstage L.) 

Well, gentlemen, what's the idea? 

SECOND MAN 
We'll tell you pretty quick what's the idea. 



120 HIT THE-TRAIL HOLLIDAY 

LEADER" 
( To Second Man.) 

Wait a minute, I'm supposed to do the talking. That was under- 
stood before we came here. 

SECOND MAN 
Well, go on and talk — who's stopping you? 

LEADER 

{Comes downstage L. to above Holliday.) 

Mr. Holliday, if you want to go quietly and act like a gentleman 
we'll take you down to the depot and put you on the train and bid you 
goodbye, like members of your own family. 

{To Second Man.) 

Won't we, Ed? 

SECOND MAN 
Sure! 

LEADER 
{To Holliday.) 
Is that satisfactory to you? 

HOLLIDAY 
I don't know what you mean. 

SECOND MAN 
We mean you've got to get out of town. 

LEADER 
Yes, our jobs depend on it. If it wasn't for that we wouldn't in- 
terfere one way or the other. There's no use arguing — you've got to 
go and so you might just as well leave without a battle, because you 
haven't got a chance. There's 350 men in the crowd outside and 
everyone of us will be out of a job if we don't get you out of town- 
Those are the orders. 

HOLLIDAY 
Well, you're not going to get me out of town. I'm going to stay 
in town and give the whole 350 of you regular jobs. 

LEADER 
What do you mean ? 



HIT-THE-TRAIL HOLUDAY 121 

HOLUDAY 

( Throws his cane and gloves L. and goes to L. of desk. ) 

I mean a dollar a day more for every roan than Granger is paying 
yon, and you're going to have a regular real, honest-to-God gentle- 
man for a Boss. Boys, one of the biggest industries in New England 
is about to open up, and the plant is located right here in Johnsburg. 
I'm back of the concern myself, if that's any guarantee, and Mr. Jay- 
son, whom you all know to be one of the finest men on earth, is the 
president of the company, that is already organized for the manufacture 
of Near^ Beer, the only temperance drink endorsed by me, and in de- 
mand right now to such an extent that we begin operations tomorrow 
morning at the old bottling works in West Hoover Street 

{Steps up on chair L. of desk. ) 

which, over night, is to be converted into a temporary plant, 

which we will occupy until we find a suitable site to build 

{Steps up on desk.) 



what will be, believe me, one of the finest structures in the 

world. Remember, boys, a dollar a day more than Granger is paying 

you 

{Steps down o?i chair R. of desk and then on to floor. ) 

and I want the whole 350 of you to report to me at seven 

o'clock tomorrow morning. Is that satisfactory? 

LEADER 

{Has backed toward R. during HolUD ay's speech, and is nozv above 
him. ) 

Do you mean it? 

HOLLIDAY 

On my word as a gentleman. And all I ask of you now is that 
you leave this room as quickly and quietly as you can, because I have 
to memorize a very important speech which I am to deliver tonight 
before the Young Men's Christian Association of Weymouth. So now, 
please, go as quietly and quickly as you can. Remember, boys, a dol- 
lar a day more than Granger pays 

{The Leader and Second Man start the men off R. on their 
tiptoes.) 

so go as quietly as you can — don't slam the door as you go 

out, etc., etc. 

{Ad lib. as the men exit. He shakes hands with the Leader and 
Second Man, then heaves a deep sigh of relief and ^oes to above desk and 



122 HIT-THE-TRAIL HOUJDAY 

sits , pnd 'lino, copy of speech toward him and burying his head in his hands 
as if studying it. ) 

{Offstage: — Three cheers for Billy Holliday! Hurray! Hur- 
ray! Hurray!) 

EDITH 
{Enters from R. and comes to R. of Holliday. She smiles as she 
sees him absorbed in speech.) 

JAYSON 
{Enters excitedly from R. and comes to R. of desk.) 
We can't use 350 men ! Why ! 

HOLLIDAY AND EDITH 
'Ssh! 

EDITH 
(7o Jayson, in a whisper.) 
He's studying his speech. 

JAYSON 
{In pantomime. ) 
Oh, I hee! 
{Tiptoes out R.) 

EDITH 

{Stands smiling a moment at Hoixiday, then tiptoes out R.) 

HOLLJDAY 

{After Edith exits he looks around room, sees he is alone, opens. 
drawer in desk, takes otit Jed's flask and drinks, puts it back in drawer 
and buries his head in his hands and resumes study of speech.) 

CURTAIN 



HIT-THE-TRAIL HOLLIDAY 123 

'Hit -the -Trail Holliday' 

ACT IV. 

SCENE: The home of the Rev. T. B. Hoi/den. 

Same as ACT II. 

As curtain rises, the door bell rings offstage left. 

Anna enters from R., crosses stage and exits left to answer same. 

Holden enters from R. and comes down C, looking at his watch. 

Anna enters from left, tcshering in Jayson and Holliday. The 
latter hands her his hat as he enters. 

JAYSON 
{Enters and comes down C. to Holden and shakes hands.) 
Are we late, T. B.? 

HOLDEN 

No, indeed; it's only six-thirty. We won't dine until seven. 

( Turns to Holiday with outstretched hand. ) 

(Jayson goes up C, hands his hat to Anna, then comes down to R. 
of R. table and sits. ) 

( Anna takes the hats out into L. hall, then enters, crosses and exits 
right.) 

(Holden to Holliday.) 

Mr. Holliday! 

HOLLIDAY 
{Refusing Holden's outstretched hand.) 
Remember what you promised. 

HOLDEN 
{Laughs.) 
Oh, that's so; I forgot — Billy. 

HOLLIDAY 
(As he shakes hands with Hoe-den.) 
That's better. 
(Holden goes to above R. table, Holuday following to L. of it. ) 



124 HIT-THE TRAIL HOLLIDAY 

JAYSON 
We stopped to pick up Mrs. Temple, but they said she'd left some 
time ago. 

HOLDEN 
Yes, she already here. She's upstairs helping Edith dress. 
( To Holliday, after a quick look of interrogation, and one of mute 
denial on Holliday's part. ) 

And so you're really going to leave us, Billy? 

HOLLIDAY 

Tomorrow morning at 8:30. 

HOLDEN 
We'll miss you, my boy. The town won't seem the same with- 
out you. 

{Sits above table.) 

JAYSON 
That's what I was telling him. I guess half of Johnsburg will 
be down to the depot to bid him good-bye. 

HOLLIDAY 
Oh, it's not exactly good-bye. 
(Sits L. of table. ) 

I expect to dash back every once in a while and say " how do 
you do." 

HOLDEN 
Well, I sincerely hope so. I dare say you'll receive an enormous 
reception upon your arrival in Philadelphia? 

JAYSON 
Well, if it's any bigger than they gave him in Worcester and 
Springfield last week I'd like to see it. Gosh, those two towns went 
crazy ! 

HOLDEN 

So I understand. When do you intend lecturing in New York? 

HOLLIDAY 
New York? Oh, not till around Christmas time. I've got two 
weeks in Philadelphia and then I go to Paterson for three nights, and 
then I jump out West until December. 



HIT-THE-TRAIL HOLXIDAY 125 

HOLDEN 
Well, you have quite a trip booked. 

HOLUDAY 
Yes, I'm booked solid till 1917. V"" 

JAYSON 
Gosh ! I'd like to travelaround like that and see the country. 

HOLDEN 
Well, with the money you're making, Burr, you can soon retire 
and see the whole world. How is business — big as ever? 

JAYSON 
Bigger — grows every twenty-four hours. How many cases was it 
to-day, Billy? 

HOLLIDAY 
Seventeen thousand, nine hundred.* 

HOLDEN 
Just imagine ! 

JAYSON 
Over 50,000 cases last week; it'll go seventy-five this. 

{To HOLLIDAY.) 

What was that concern that made the big offer by telegraph this 
afternoon ? 



HOLXIDAY 
The Coca Cola people of Atlanta, Georgia. 

JAYSON 

Yes. 

{To Holdkn.) 

They offer a quarter of a million for a half interest. 

HOLDEN 
Fancy such a thing! Of course you'll accept 

JAYSON 
Billy won't let me. 



x/ 



126 HIT-THE-TRAIL HOLLIDAY 

HOLLIDAY 

Well, I should say not! If it's worth that much in two weeks' 
time what'll it be worth a month from now? Why, you'll get a million 
easy any time you want to go out of business. 

{To Holden.) 

You know, he didn't think he could use 350 men at first. 

{To Jayson.) 

Tell him what you had to do today? 

JAYSON 
Put thirty extra to work. 

HOLLIDAY 
Yes, and he'll need a thousand before he knows it. I tell you, 
Nearly Beer is one of the greatest propositions that's ever been put on 
the market. 

JAYSON 
But only since you endorsed it, Billy. 

HOLLIDAY 

Don't you believe it. 

( Rises. ) 

My name may have started them buying it; that's all right, buti 
they hadn't liked the drink they wouldn't have repeated the orders — 
that's the real answer. 

( Takes stage C. ) 
You know, endorsements, recommendations and trade-marks are 
all right as far as they go, but you take it from me, you've got to have 
the stuff behind the advertising. You can spend ten fortunes in mag- 
azines, newspapers, painted signs and billboards, but if you don't de- 
liver the goods you haven't got a Chinaman's chance on earth. All 
this stuff about the American public believing everything they 
read 

{Goes to L. of table.) 

and following the leader like a lot of sheep, is bunk — if you know 

what that means — genuine, downright bunk. You've got to satisfy 
the man that pays his money for the article you put on sale. If you 
do, he'll say so. If you don't he'll say so. And word of mouth ad- 
vertising is the only kind of advertising that's worth a nickel in the 
world. I know what I'm talking about. 

{Sits L. of table.) 
1 tended bar for six or seven years, and believe me, the whiskey 



HIT-THE-TRAIL HOLLIDAY 127 

that really sells isn't advertised at all. Do they advertise Wurtzburger 
beer? Do they advertise Corona-Corona cigars? No. Why? Because 
they don't have to. They've got the goods and it advertises itself. 
Now I'll tell 3 7 ou something that I know to be a fact. The only theatre 
that packed them in and turned people away all last season was the 
only place of amusement in New York City that wasn't advertised. 
For fifty weeks you couldn't buy a seat at the Globe Theatre, and there 
wasn't as much as a picture poster of Montgomery & Stone in any part 
of the town. You know what Abraham Lincoln said about fooling the 
people. Well, he was right. Advertising's a great thing — but you've 
got to tell the truth. 

JAYSON 

Doesn't he talk wonderful! 

HOLDEN 

Wonderfully ! I could listen for hours. And the strange part of 
it is I don't know what in the world you're talking about. 

(Holuday laughs.) 

You know the night I went to Weymouth to hear you speak, I 
really didn't understand half you said, but I'm free to confess that I 
enjoyed every moment of the lecture. And I don't think I've ever 
seen an audience quite so enthusiastic. This remarkable success must 
be very gratifying. 

HOLLIDAY 

It is, Doctor. I think I've done pretty well in two short weeks. 
I've closed up two breweries, a couple of hundred saloons; got the ^/ 
whole countr}' quenching its thirst with a temperance drink ; made 
myself famous— and I've got a little money in the bank besides. 

HOLDEN 
And you forget — the Building Fund you started for my new 
church. It's twenty -two thousand already. 

JAYSON 
And look what you've done for me. 

HOLIJDAY 

And look what I've done to Granger. 

HOLDEN 
Yes, poor Granger! 



128 HIT-THE-TRAIL HOLLIDAY 

JAYSON 

You know, I honestly feel sorry for Rex. 

HOLDEN 
So do I. He was at prayer meeting last evening. 

HOLLIDAY 
Who, Granger? 

JAYSON 
{In unison with Holliday's above line.) 
Eh? 

HOLDEN 
Yes. 

JAYSON 

You don't say so ! 

HOLDEN 
Yes, he came here to see me. 

HOLLIDAY AND JAYSON 
Oh! 

HOLDEN 
He waited for me afterward and we had quite a chat. 
( To Holltday. ) 
He's very anxious to have a talk with you before you leave town. 

HOLLIDAY 
Well, I'm anxious to have a talk with him, too. I want to make 
him a proposition. 

HOLDEN 
Good! Then I didn't make any mistake in inviting him here this 
evening. 

JAYSON 
Granger coming here ! 

HOLDEN 
Yes. 

HOLLIDAY 

{Rises.) 

What's the idea? 



HIT-THE-TRAIL HOLLTDAY 129 

HOLDEN 
He wants to see you and shake hands with you before you go. 

HOLLIDAY 

{Laughs, as he takes stage C.) 
I wish I could believe that one. 

JAYSON 
{As he rises and goes down R. ) 
That doesn't sound like Granger. 

HOLDEN 
He's a changed man, Burr. 

JAYSON 
{Crosses to Holliday L. C.) 
What do you suppose he wants, Billy? 

HOLLIDAY 
I don't know, but you can take it from me, there's a colored per- 
son in the woodpile, sure. 

{At this point Edith and Mrs. Temple enter from R.) 

( The latter comes down R. C. ) 

(Holden rises as he hears Edith's voice.) 

EDITH 
{As she enters.) 
Hello! 
{Comes downstage L. C. to above Holliday.) 

JAYSON 
Hello, Edith! 
{Goes upstage C, then comes down to above R. table.) 

HOLLIDAY 

( lakes Edith's hands as she comes to him.) 
My goodness, but you're all dressed up! 

EDITH 



Do you like it? 
Beautiful? 



HOLLIDAY 



EDITH 
I can thank Mrs. Temple for this, 



130 HIT-THE-TRAIL HOLIDAY 

MRS. TEMPEE 
( Comes downstage C. ) 

Don't you believe her, Billy ; she made it herself. 
( Goes to R. of R. table and sits. ) 
( Jayson sits above R. table. ) 

EDITH 
But if she hadn't furnished the material there wouldn't have been 
any dress. 

HOELIDAY 
And if you hadn't furnished the material I wouldn't have had any 
lectures. 

EDITH 
If you keep on talking like that I'll believe it. 

HOLEIDAY 

If I'm to keep on talking you'll have to believe it. I couldn't 
put 5,000 words together in 5,000 years without you. 
(Sits on L. couch with Edith.) 

ANNA 

(Enters from R. and crosses to C. upstage.) 

Mr. Cusick just brought the ice cream for dinner, and he wants 
to know can he see Mr. Holyday for a minute? 
(Jed enters and stands in R. doorway.) 

HOEDEN 
Mr. Cusick? 

ANNA 
Yaas, sir. 

JED 

( Comes downstage C. ) 
Yes. Good evening, folks. 
(Anna exits R.) 

AEL 
Good evening, Jed. 

JED 

I want to excuse myself for coming in here, Parson, but the girl 
told me Mr. Holliday was here, and I've got something to give him 
before he goes away, 



HIT-THE-TRAIL HOLLIDAY 131 

HOLLIDAY 

(Rises and goes to L. of Jed. ) 
Something for me? 

JED 

Yes, something that belongs to you — it ain't mine any longer. 
Before I give it you, I want to thank you for not going around brag- 
ging. I know you haven't said a word; if 3^ou had, everybody in 
town would be codding me. There's half a dozen men in Johnsburg 
that will gloat over it when they find out, but it won't be half so bad 
if I tell them myself as it would be if you'd gone around talking. 
Here it is — it's yours. 

(Hands Holliday a medal.) 

Solid gold — cost fourteen dollars and a-half. I never thought I'd 
have to part with it, but you won it fair and square. 

EDITH 
(Rises and goes to L. of Holliday.) 
What is it? 

HOLLIDAY 
A medal? 

ALL 
A medal? 

HOLLIDAY 

(Reads inscription on medal.) 

" Undefeated champion checker player of Johnsburg." 

(All laugh.) 

EDITH 
What do you think of that? • 

MRS. TEMPLE 
(Crosses to R. of Holliday.) 
Oh, let me see it, please. 

JAYSON 
Did you beat him, Jed? 

JED 
Decisively and skillfully — them's the only words that describe it. 
(ALL laugh.) 



-32 HIT-THE-TRAIL HOLLIDAY 

HOLDEN 
How long have you had the medal, Jed? 

JED 
Five years. 

EDITH 

Who did you win it from? 

JED 
I didn't win it, I bought it. 

(All laugh. Holden sits R. of table-, Jayson above it.) 
No one could beat me. 
(Edith and Mrs. Temple sit on L. couch.) 
I felt I was entitled to it, so I had it made myself. 
( To Holliday. ) 

Pin it on, young fellow. I want the whole town to know I can 
meet defeat like a real champion. 

HOLLIDAY 
I think you'd better keep it, Jed. 

JED 
No, sir! You beat me and it's yours. First game I lost in ten 
years. 

HOLLIDAY 

That's funny ; it's the first game I ever won. 
(All laugh.) 

• 

JED 

{Extends his hand. ) 

Put it there, young fellow. The championship belongs to you. 
I'm through with checkers — I'm going to stick to the delivery busi- 
ness. I made two hundred dollars — besides six dollars — last week 
carting Nearly Beer to the express office. 

JAYSON 

{At Holden's look of enquiry.) 
That's right, he did 



HlT-THE-TRAIL HOLLIDAY 133 

JED 

Got four men working for me — bringing three more wagons from 
Holyoke tomorrow. I'll be a rich man — yet — thanks to you, young 
fellow. 

{Shakes hands with Holuday. ) 

I'll be down to the depot to see you off in the morning. 

{Starts up R.) 

Goodnight, folks. 

ALL 
Goodnight. 

JED 

( Comes doivn C. ) 

My wife won't stop laughing for a week when she hears I lost the 
medal. I'm going home now and tell her. I tell my wife everything 
— that is, everything within reason. 

( Turns R. ) 

Over the river. 

{Exits R.) 

ALL 

{Laugh) 

Goodbye, Jed. 

(Mrs. Temple rises and goes up R.) 

HOLLIDAY 
Well, that's the first medal I ever had pinned on me. 

EDITH 
{Rises and goes to L. of Holuday.) 
You're not really going to wear it ! 

HOLLIDAY 

Not till I get out of town. I wouldn't want Jed to think I was 
going around bragging. 

{Goes L. with Edith.) 
{Door bell rings.) 
{ Holden rises. ) 

JAYSON 

{As he rises. ) 

I guess that's Granger now, isn't it, Parson? 

(Anna enters from R. , crosses and exits L.) 



134 HIT-THE-TRAIL HOLLIDAY 

HOLDEN 

I shouldn't be surprised. 

MRS. TEMPLE 
{Drops down R. slightly.) 
Granger ! 

HOLDEN 
Yes, he's coming here to see Mr. Holliday. 

EDITH 
( To Holliday. ) 
What about? 

HOLLIDAY 
I don't know. 

EDITH 
{Starts up C.) 
Well, I certainly don't want to see him. 

MRS. TEMPLE 
Neither do I. 

JAYSON 

I'm not particular about it myself. 

HOLLIDAY 

You folks run in the other room. I'll get rid of him in ten 
minutes. 

HOLDEN 

Oh, now, don't do that. I've invited him here to dinner. 

MRS TEMPLE AND EDITH 
{In unison.) 
What! 

ANNA 
{Enters from L.) 
Mr. Granger and his son Dean are here, Parson. 

EDITH 
{Down to Holliday. j 
Both of them ! 



HIT-THE-TRAIL HOLLTDAY 135 

MRS. TEMPLE 
Excuse me ! Come along, Edith. 
{Starts R.) 

EDITH > 

I should say so. 

( Both women exit R. ) 

HOLDEN 
Show them right in, Anna. 

ANNA 

Yaas, sir. 
{Exits R.) 

JAYSON 

(7o H.OHIDAY. ) 

Shall I wait here or go along with the ladies f 

HOLLIDAY 

Go ahead; I'd rather see him alone. 
{Starts R. toward Holden.) 

JAYSON 

That satisfies me first rate. 
{Exits R.) 

HOLLIDAY 
{To Holden.) 

What is it he wants to see me about, do you know? 

HOLDEN 
I haven't the slightest idea. But do be nice to him, please, j 

HOLLIDAY 
Sure; if you feel that way about it I'll make a big fuss over him. 



I wish you would. 



( Enters from L. ) 
Right this way, sir. 
{She stays upstage C. 



HOLDEN 



ANNA 



136 HIT-THE-TRAIL HOLLIDAY 

GRANGER 

{Enters, followed by Dean, who goes dozvnstage L.) 
{Coldly, to Holliday, as he goes down R.) 
Hello, Holliday. 

HOLLIDAY 

{Effusively .) 

Well, upon my word, if it isn't Mr. Granger! Well, well, this is 
a surprise! Awfully glad to see you again, awfully glad! 

{Takes Granger's hand and shakes it, then turns to Dean.) 

And Dean ! 

{Crosses to him.) 

Well, well, Dean, I didn't expect to see you here! This is a 
surprise. 

( Takes Dean's hand and shakes it. ) 

I'm awfully glad to see you, awfully glad! Here, give me your 
hat. 

{Takes Dean's hat, then turns to Granger and takes his.) 

And yours, too, Mr. Granger. That's the ticket. 

{Takes hats upstage to Anna.) 

Here, Anna, that's the girl. 

{Anna Puts hats in hall L., enters, and exits R.) 

(Holliday brings chair downstage C.) 

Sit, down, Mr. Granger. Sit down, Dean. 

{Both men stand glaring at him.) 

Well, here we are all together, like Brown's cows. 

{Sits C.) 

You're looking fine, Mr. Granger — never saw you looking better. 

{l urns to Dean.)] 

Well, Dean, old boy, how have you been? I haven't seen you in 
a long time. Sit down, old pal. 

{As both men still stand.) 

What's the matter? Something wrong? 

GRANGER 
( To Holden, as he turns R., smiling cynically .) 
How are you, T. B.? 
{Sits L. of table.) 



HOLDEN 
Very well, Rex, thank you. 
{Sits R. of table. ) 



HIT-THE-TRAIL HOLLIDAY 137 

HOLLIDAY 

{To Dean, who is still standing.) 

Coming down to the station to see me off tomorrow, old pal? 

DEAN 
Say, we didn't come here to be made game of. What do you think 
we are, a couple of fools? 

GRANGER 

{Sternly.) 

Shut up and sit down ! 

(Dean sits on L. couch.) 

HOLLIDAY 

{Smilingly, /<?Dean.) 

There you go, you see! I'm trying to be nice to you, and you 
want to start the thing all over again. 

HOIvDEN 
{To Granger.) 

I'm sure Dean misunderstands Mr. Holliday, Rex. I asked him 
as a favor to receive you cordially. 

GRANGER 
I understand. 

DEAN 

{Sullenly.) 

Well, he needn't try to be funny. 

GRANGER 

{Furiously.) 
That's enough ! 

DEAN 
Well ! 

HOLDEN 
{As he rises.) 

I'll leave you gentlemen alone. I know there something you 
want to talk over privately. 

HOLLIDAY 
Don't run away on my account, Doctor. 



138 HIT-THE TRAIL HOLIDAY 

GRANGER 

Nor mine, either. Anything I've got to say is open and above 
board. 

HOLDEN 
( As he goes upstage R. ) 

I really must see that dinner is properly prepared ; and if I do say 
it myself, it's going to be a splendid dinner. 
{Exits R.) 

HOLLIDAY 
{To Dean, in pretended seriousness.) 

What do you think of that ! We're going to have ice cream and 
everything. 

DEAN 
Aw, what do you think I care about ice cream ; I don't eat it. 

HOLLIDAY 

Oh, you're just saying that to show off. 

DEAN 

Aw ! 

HOLXIDAY 
I'll bet you've got a bag of candy in your pocket right now. 
(Dean glares at Hoeuday, then turns away, enraged.) 
(Holeiday laughs at him, then turns to GRANGER.) 
Mr^ Holden tells me there's something you want to see me about, 
Mr. Granger.' 

GRANGER 

Yes, that's the reason I said I'd come here tonight when he in- 
vited me. I know you're going away tomorrow and it's the only 
chance I'd have. I've got a "proposition I want to make. Now, 
you're a business man and Jayson isn't. That's why I thought I'd 
better talk to you. 

HOLLIDAY 
Go right ahead. What's on your mind. 

GRANGER 

The new hotel, that's what's on my mind. I've got over two 
hundred thousand dollars invested there, and it should have opened a 
week ago. I'll tell you the truth, Holliday ; I built that hotel to spite 



HIT-THE-TRAIL HOLLIDAY 139 

Jayson when he refused to put a bar in the American House. I'm no 
fool, and I realize it's worth a man's life to try to sell liquor in this 
town right now, and I also know that at the next election it'll go as 
dry as a desert. That's why I haven't tried to renew operations at 
the brewery. Jayson intends building a big plant for the manufacture 
of Nearly Beer, doesn't he? 

HOLLIDAY 
Yes, he's having plans submitted now. 

GRANGER 

So I heard. Well, I'm no hotel man — Jayson is. I'll turn over 
the Johnsburg House to him just as it stands — 

{Rises and faces Holuday. ) 
— and I'll turn over the brewery to him, too. It can easily be 
equipped for any manufacturing purpose — and it's worth a half a 
million dollars. 

HOLLIDAY 

{Rises.) 

Let me understand you. 
{As he picks up chair and goes up C. ) 
Let me get this clear. 

{As he comes downstage he looks over and smiles at Dean, who has 
been watching him. The latter turns sulkily away . ) 
{To Granger, as he comes down C.) 
You'll turn over the new hotel? 

GRANGER 

Yes. 

HOLLIDAY 
And you'll turn over the plant? 

GRANGER 

Yes, and I'll make him an equal partner. I'll give him a clear 
fifty per cent, ownership. 

HOLLIDAY 
What's the consideration for all this? 



140 HIT-THE-TRAIL HOLLIDAY 

GRANGER 

A half interest in Nearly Beer. 

(Holliday looks over and smiles tantalizingly at Dean.) 

That's what I want, and with ray knowledge of a business of this 

kind I'll guarantee to show one of the biggest outputs in the United 

States in no time at all. 

HOLLIDAY 
We can show that now, and we're only two weeks old. 

GRANGER 

I know but you haven't the practical experience that's necessary 
to make it a great big concern. I've got all the facilities for the 
bottling, packing, shipping, and general handling of the goods. Why, 
it would take you a year to shoot up a plant like mine. I think I'm 
making you a pretty handsome offer. 

HOLLIDAY 

We've had other offers, Mr. Granger. 

GRANGER 

I know you have. But just stop to think, young man ; I've got 
a fortune tied up in this town. And don't forget that I've been driven 
out of business. Don't you think I deserve any consideration at all? 

HOLLIDAY 
Yes, I think you do. But I don't know whether Mr. Jaysonwill 
feel the same way about it or not. 

GRANGER 

You're his partner, ain't you? 

HOLLIDAY 

No, I'm not interested at all, Mr. Granger. 

DEAN 

{Sarcastically , as he rises.) 
No, I guess not ! 

HOLLIDAY 

(7o Granger.) 

Make him sit down, will you? 



HIT-THE-TRAIL HOUJDAY 141 

GRANGER 



(Yo Dean.) 
Down! 

Aw ! 



DEAN 



(Sits on L. couch.} 



HOLUDAY 

(To Granger.) 

What you're trying to buy and pay a big price for, I refused as a 
present less than two weeks ago. I've picked out my line of business 
and I'm going to stick to it. I'm going to preach temperance from 
one end of this country to the other — -and I'm on the level with it, too. 

GRANGER 

(in a confidential tone, smiling cynically.) 
There's a lot of money in the game, isn't there? 

HOLLIDAY 

Yes, a whole lot of it. The vice-president of the Amalgamated 
Brewers and Distillers of America came to Johnsburg forty-eight hours 
ago and offered me a hundred thousand dollars for the next five years 
to keep my mouth closed, but you see I'm still talking. That's how 
much I care about the money, Mr. Granger. 

GRANGER 
Well, will you talk to Jayson and explain to him what I'm will- 
ing to do? 

HOELIDAY 
I'll do all I can to help you, Mr. Granger. And if you'll guar- 
antee not to interfere with the management of the concern, I think I 
can arrange things along the lines you've mapped out. 

GRANGER 
You needn't be afraid of that. All I want to do is to protect the 
money I've got invested here, and this is my only chance. 
(As he turns down R. ) 
I'm going to move to New York, anyway. 

DEAN 

(As he rises.) 
Thank God ! 



142 HIT-THE-TRAIL HOLLIDAY 

HOLLIDAY 

( Jums to Dean. ) 
Down ! 

DEAN 
{Starts to comply; then, as he realizes it is Holiday speaking, he 
rises and goes angrily up L. He comes downstage L. again as Anna 
enters. ) 

ANNA 
{Enters from R.) 

The Parson says dinner is served whenever you -all gentlemen is 
ready. 

HOLLIDAY 

Very well, Anna, we'll be right there. 

ANNA 

Yaas, sir. 
{Exits R. ) 

HOLLIDAY 

(7o Granger.) 

We'll get together after dinner and talk the matter over with Mr. 
Jayson. They're waiting for us ; we'd better go in. 
( Starts tip C. ) 

GRANGER 

Wait a minute, please. 

{Crosses to Dean. Holuday drops down R.) 

Dean, I want you to shake hands with Mr. Holliday and apolo- 
gize for the way you've acted toward him ever since he's been in 
town. 

DEAN 
What! 

GRANGER 

That's what I brought you here for. I heard all about your 
actions in the barber shop the first day you met him. Sam Stallings 
told me the whole story. Now, I want you to shake hands with him 
and ask his pardon. 

{After a slight pause. ) 

Go on. 



HIT-THE-TRAIL HOLUDAY 143 

DEAN 

Well, I guess not! What do you think I am! 

GRANGER 
Dean Granger, if you don't do as I tell you I'll cut you off with- 
out a nickel. Not one dollar of my money will you ever get as long 
as you live unless you apologize to this gentleman right now. Do you 
understand? 

DEAN 

Well, I'm not going to apologize; not if I have to starve for the 
rest of my life. 

GRANGER 
Do you mean that? 

DEAN . 
You bet I mean it ! 

GRANGER 

Give me your hand, son. 

{Shakes Dean's hand.) 

I just wanted to try you. I'd made up my mind to kick you out 
if you hadn't taken the stand you did. 

{Looks over at Holliday, smiling proudly, as he pats Dean's 
shoulder. ) 

Gad ! I guess there must be something to you, after all. 

{Crosses to Holliday, laughing.) 

He isn't as big a coward as you thought he was, is he? 

HOLLIDAY 
No, not half as big. 

DEAN 
What do you mean by that ! 

HOLLIDAY 

{Crosses /o Dean. Granger drops down R.) 

I'd like to shake hands with you on that myself, Dean. I didn't 
think you were game enough to go through like that. 
{Extends his hand to Dean.) 

GRANGER 

{As Dean looks over at him. ) 
Go on, shake hands with him. 



144 HIT-THE-TRAIL HOLUDAY 

DEAN 

(As he puts his hands in his pockets.) 

I'll never shake hands with you until you apologize for pulling 
ray nose. 

HOLUDAY 
I wouldn't apologize to you for a million dollars. 

DEAN 

Do you mean that? 

HOLLIDAY 
You can bet I mean it! 

DEAN 
Then you're twice the man I thought you were. Shake! 
(He a?td Holliday shake hands.) 
(Granger laughs.) 

EDITH 
{Enters from R. and comes to C upstage. 
We're waiting for you folks. 

GRANGER 

( Turns to her. ) 

Good evening, Miss Holden. 

EDITH 
(Bows.) 
Mr. Granger. 

DEAN 
(Goes up to Edith, extending his hana.) 
Hello, Edith. 

EDITH 
Hello, Dean. 

(Shakes his hand.) 

DEAN 
We're going to New York to live. 

EDITH 
That's good, 



HIT-THE-TRAIL HOLLIDAY 145 

DEAN 
What do you mean by that? 
(Edith comes down to R. of Holliday.) 

HOLDEN 

{Enters from R.) 

Come along, Rex, dinner is served. 

GRANGER 
Right with you, T. B. 
(As he goes up R. of table. ) 
Come on, Dean. 

DEAN 

(Sulkily, as he drops down R. C.) 

I don't want any dinner ; I'm not hungry. 

GRANGER 
Come on, I tell you. 
(HOLDEN exits R.) 

DEAN 

Oh, all right. 

( To Edith and Hoixiday, as they laugh.) 

What are you laughing at? 

HOUvIDAY 
I'm just wondering what you'll do to Broadway. 

DEAN 
(As he goes up C.J 

Oh, I've been to New York before. What do you think I am, a 
Rube? 



(Impatiently . ) 
Come on, Dean. 
(Exits R.J 



GRANGER 



DEAN 



(As he goes R.J 

Oh, that fellow makes me sick! 

(Exits R.J 

(Edith and Hoixiday laugh.) 



146 HIT-THE-TRAIL HOLLIDAY 

EDITH 

(To HOLLIDAY.) 

Tell me, what did Mr. Granger want to see you about? 

HOLLIDAY 

He made me exactly the same proposition I was going to make to 
him. Mr. Jayson and I figured it out this afternoon. 

EDITH 
What was it.-' 

HOLUDAY 
I'll tell you later. Are your things all packed? 

EDITH 
Yes; but I'm terribly nervous. 

HOLLIDAY 
Do you love me? 

EDITH 
Crazy about you ! 
( They embrace. ) 

HOLDEN 

(Enters trom R., followed by Jayson and Mrs. Temple.) 

Listen, children I've a great idea. We'll surprise the Grangers. 
I'll perform the ceremony before we sit down to dinner. What do 
you say? 

{Jayson comes down R.) 

(Mrs. Tempee comes down to L. of Hoeeiday.) 

HOLLIDAY 

I say yes. 

EDITH 

Oh yes, let's. 

MRS. TEMPLE 
Are you surprised, Mr. Jayson? 
(Ale laugh at Jayson's look of amazement.) 

JAYSON 

I should say so! Why, it's like a story in the Saturday Evening 
Post. 



HIT-THE-TRAIL HOUJDAY 147 

HOUJDAY 
That's just what it is. 

HOLDEN 

Join hands, my children. 

{Goes above Edith and Holuday, takes prayer-book from his 
Pocket and begins reading marriage service. ) 

" Dearly beloved, we are gathered here together in the sight of 
God and in the face of this congregation to join together this man and 
this woman in holy matrimony, which is the honorable estate insti- 
tuted by God in the days of man's innocency," etc. 

CURTAIN 

(As HoivDEN begins the marriage service Dean and Granger 
enter and stand in door R, until curtain falls. ) 



